‘I Have Found the One My Soul Loves’—7 Tips for Pursuing a Godly Marriage

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

I have found the one my soul loves. -Song of Solomon 3:4

What is a soul mate, and do they really exist? While the Bible doesn’t necessarily teach that there’s only one person for each of us, it does talk about finding a mate for your soul. There is a type of love that knits together as one the very souls of two people (see Malachi 2:15).

King Solomon’s wife describes finding him––the mate for her soul: I have found the one my soul loves. Song of Solomon 3:4

Taking a peek into the Song of Songs almost feels like you’re reading something too intimate to be shared. And yet, God included this poetic book in the Bible to show us how true love in marriage is honorable to the Lord. Reading through the Song of Songs, one cannot help but understand, and long for, the depth of such intimate oneness expressed in this biblical account.

I find it refreshing to consider how this type of love actually pleases to The Lord. And it is almost too vast to ponder how, through the bonds of matrimony, God knits two souls together as one.

In my own marriage of 40 years, God’s hand has been evident in knitting our souls together as one. It is a mystery and blessing too much to comprehend or even explain.

So, how do you find this type of love? If you are single, consider your motivation. God’s purpose in knitting souls together as one is not just so you can live happily-ever-after.

Rather, God is interested in helping you find someone who will help you grow in your relationship with Him, and service to Christ.

I know, I know, that may feel like I just took the romance right out of your hopes for true love. But when you think about it, what could be more romantic than falling in love with someone who God will unite with your very soul––for His Kingdom purposes?

God intends to use a married couple’s deep love and unity to draw others to know Christ.

But, how do you find the one who your soul loves? Let’s consider the following insights.

Here are 7 Tips for Pursuing a Godly Marriage

1. Let Truth Be Your Guide to Love

I’m often asked, “How can I know God’s will for a spouse?” While it seems to make sense to weigh out the pros and cons to come to find a mate, if this is your only method for finding “the one” you’re best bet, is just that––your best bet.

Rather, if you saturate your mind with Truth God will be faithful to guide you toward His good, acceptable and perfect will for your life––in all areas of life, including finding a mate if this is His plan. Consider God’s promise in Romans 12:1-2 , “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, acceptable and perfect will of God.”

2. Be Equally Yoked

To truly find one with whom your soul can be united, you must find a spouse who also has a relationship with Christ.

When someone is made alive unto Christ through salvation, they’re filled with the Holy Spirit. With new life in Jesus, Believers are blessed with the ability to love others with Christ’s, Agape’ love.

Stay with me here, because this is important. If you marry someone who’s not a Christian, no matter how hard they try, they’ll never be able to love you with God’s unconditional, selfless love. Take it from someone who’s been married for 40 years, there’ll be times in marriage when you’ll need someone who is capable of loving you with God’s deep love.

Consider another advantage to finding a Christian mate for your soul. The same Spirit that indwells you, is also in them, so God joins your souls together in a supernatural way.

How cool is that? God is the one who is the author of marriage. He is the one who wants married couples to walk in love and unity. And He gives His Spirit to knit hearts together in love for Christ and for each other. But if you marry an unbeliever, you forfeit this blessing.

3. Walk by the Spirit

If you walk by the Spirit, you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16 ESV). I kind of feel like a broken record here because I regularly make reference to the importance of walking in purity when you’re looking for a mate.

But in more than 30 years of ministry, I’ve seen the consequences couples pay when they disobey God’s command to keep themselves sexually pure.

Here’s the scenario: You meet someone who you’re attracted to. As you spend time together, you connect on an emotional level. You have the same goals, and understand one another.

Maybe you’re both Christians, so that’s a plus too. Then, as your attraction becomes stronger and your purity slips. You justify it by telling yourselves “we are going to get married one day anyway.”

What many couples don’t recognize is how that act of disobedience changes everything. The Bible says to keep in step with the Holy Spirit, not grieving the Spirit (Galatians 5:25Ephesians 4:30). When one willfully sins against God, whether a sexual sin or any other rebellion, they exchange their ability to recognize the leading of the Spirit.

That means forfeiting God’s guidance to find a soul mate.

Think of it, why make the most important decision of your life without the help of God’s guidance? That’s terrifying––right? Trust me, you want God to lead you to a godly spouse.

First Samuel 16:7 warns, “Do not look on his appearance or on his height or stature… For the Lord sees not as a man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

God knows the heart of a person. Only He can give you show you if someone will help you in your walk with Christ. Which brings me to my next point…

4. Observe the Fruit of Their Life

A Christian should display the fruit of the Spirit. So, humbly and prayerfully consider the person’s character. Do they display godly fruit?

Galatians 5:22 says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”

Now, before you become prideful about your own display of godliness, you should humbly ask God to help you examine your own heart. Pray as the psalmist, “Search me Oh God and know my heart, try me and know my anxieties. And see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).

Remember, Jesus said, “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).

While you’re observing a potential mate, keep yourself in step with the Spirit so that your character displays good fruit. It’s easy to observe the failure of others, yet completely miss your own lack of fruit. You would do well to become a godly soul mate who God might entrust to one of His servants.


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Rhonda Stoppe
Rhonda Stoppe is the NO REGRETS WOMAN. With more than 30 years experience of helping women build a no regrets lives. I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night, is what women say about Rhonda’s enthusiastic, humorous, transparent teaching, and zeal as an evangelist. She’s committed to fulfill the Titus 2:4 commission by mentoring, teaching and writing books that are inspiring, grounded in Scripture and easy to read––like you're visiting with a friend over coffee. Rhonda is the author of 6 books and appears on numerous radio programs including Dr. James Dobson’s FamilyTalk, Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and hosts The No Regrets Hour. She speaks at women’s events, Pastor’s Wives Conferences, MOPs and homeschool conventions. Sharing the gospel is her sweet spot––she’s an evangelist at heart. Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who pastors First Baptist Church of Patterson, California. They live out their own Real Life Romance writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and 10 grandchildren. To learn more about Rhonda’s speaking topics, watch her teaching and to book Rhonda for your next event visit: NoRegretsWoman.com. Watch this fun video of Steve & Rhonda sharing their own Real Romance story.