A Response to “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos”

debt-free virgins without tattoos

Yesterday I saw someone post a link to an article entitled Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos on Facebook. I can’t even remember who posted it, I just remember that they were mad. And when I saw the title, I was confused. How could they be mad at an article with this title? I mean, it clearly had to be a joke, or some good Babylon Bee-like Christian satire.

Then I clicked through and read it.

Sadly, the article on the blog The Transformed Wife entitled Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos is not a joke.

debt-free virgins without tattoos

I read through the entire article looking, then hoping, then praying I’d find the punch line. Oh, friends, there was no punch line. Author Lori Alexander is as serious as a heart attack. And her ultra-conservative article set daughters of Christ back a few millennia and also broke the internet. Gracious, friends. That article is full of condescending judgment, not at all based in scripture. It made me angry, but more than that, it made me scared. My chest tightened in anxiety as I read it.

I was scared and anxious reading this article because I’m afraid some beautiful daughter searching for Christ might read it and decide, “Um…no way. This kinda God is NOT for me.” Mrs. Alexander says on her website that her goal is to teach younger women what she has learned from God’s word. But this particular article and the attributes of a desirable women she expounds upon—namely virginity, lack of debt and a tattoo-less bod—are not where scripture teaches our value as women lies.

She begins her diatribe,

Do you know how much more attractive debt-free virgins (without tattoos) are to young men? Unfortunately, there are so few of these types of young women anymore because of the high costs of college (debt) and sexual promiscuity even within those in the church. As believers in Jesus Christ, we need to live in a way that is pleasing to Him because His ways are the best. He calls debt a burden and urges us to live lives of sexual purity.

FIRSTOFALL, when was being “attractive to young men” like, the GOAL of being a Christian woman? Did I miss that passage in Habbakuk somewhere? I’ll be honest, I cannot remember the last time I cracked open Habbakuk. My bad. I have to say as a young woman, I was more striving for a Proverbs 31-type vibe, mixed with some serious fruits of the Spirit. But since last time I checked Galatians, “snark” was not on the fruits of the spirit list, I’d probably better stop that paragraph there.

Listen, I do want to make one thing clear. I do believe that God calls us to wait until we are married to have sex, that we are made to be united sexually with just one person. But if you’ve not followed that plan? You are NOT damaged goods. God can and will redeem your sexuality if you let Him. And your virginity or lack therefof does NOT determine your worth to a future spouse, or to ANYONE.

Alexander goes on to say,

There are many more reasons why Christian young women should carefully consider whether or not they go to college, especially if they want to be wives and mothers someday. Secular universities teach against the God of the Bible and His ways. It’s far from what God calls women to be and do: it teaches them to be independent, loud, and immodest instead of having meek and quiet spirits.

That paragraph exhausts me, it absolutely makes me want to sleep for about three days. I’m an emotional person and over-emoting makes me extremely tired. Have mercy, this paragraph is gonna get me the best emotionally exhausted sleep I’ve had since I was potty training my now eleven-year-old while pregnant. (Yes, Mrs. Alexander, some of us college debt-laden women do become wives and mothers. Shocking, I know.) Really? Like, does she REALLY think that women should not educate themselves because education might lead to a lack of…meekness?

{Bangs head against wall.}

Dear daughters, dear beautiful Christian women made in the image of God, created not for a man, but to be in fellowship with your Creator!

You are not your past. You are not your lack of or bevy of tattoos. You are not the sum total of your lack of or bevy of sexual mistakes.

You are beloved. You are called to follow Christ’s commands in His Word, not the standards set by someone else’s interpretation of it. And in His Word, throughout all of scripture, God cares for women, God redeems women, God grants them property and business success, and yes, husbands and children, too.

God created man and woman in His image, and they are joint heirs with Christ to God’s kingdom, if they accept His forgiveness from sin and follow Him.

I was a tattoo-less virgin when I married, but I did have some student loan debt. My husband saw only my heart, and it is my God who gave him the eyes to see me with. (P.S. his credit card debt he brought into our marriage made him no less attractive in my eyes.) My education has proved useful to me both in my career and in my time that I strictly stayed at home caring for our children (i.e. did not bring income into the family). The debt is long gone but my education will always be a part of me, and I’m grateful for it.

The Bible doesn’t say you have to choose your education/career or your family.

Jesus doesn’t say that. He also didn’t say,

[By going to college]They lost a handful of years of experience learning to cook large meals and learning how to work in the garden….The list goes on. Churches don’t talk about it. They support the college kids (really adults) and the ‘working’ mothers.

Lori Alexander and one of her readers said that. That is not from God. Like why would God not want the church to support working mothers? (Love the way she put the word working in quotes by the way. That wasn’t me, that was her. Condescending much?) Should churches punish and ostracize moms who have careers? Does that sound like loving your neighbor, the second greatest commandment?

Shudder.

I haven’t re-printed the rest of Alexander’s article. Feel free to go read it for yourself. It says, in the name of Christianity, that women should do a lot of other things that aren’t specifically in God’s commands. Did you get what I’m saying here? There’s not actually much talk about Christ in this article.

I just hope and pray that any women who have found this article when they were looking for Alexander’s will know that God loves you as you are. Pursue Christ in your singleness, your marriage, your motherhood, and your career or lack thereof. And if you are truly seeking Him and letting the Holy Spirit guide you, you will live a life that is true to HIS commands…and that is what truly matters.

Tattoos or no.


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Jenny Rapson
Jenny Rapson is a follower of Christ, a wife and mom of three from Ohio and a freelance writer and editor. You can find her at her blog, Mommin' It Up, or follow her on Twitter.