If you don’t want lame answers, you can’t ask lame questions. Here are some tried and true different questions to ask your spouse at the end of the day besides, “How was your day?”
So often the only daily re-cap my husband and I give each other is,
“How was your day?”
“Tiring, but fine.”
Meh. This conversation doesn’t do much by way of bringing us closer together OR actually hearing about our day. This isn’t because we’re wrong to ask it or because we don’t care for each other, rather its because we’re just asking each other the wrong questions.
“If you don’t want throw away answers, you can’t ask throw away questions.” – Glennon Doyle
The questions below are based on understanding the struggles and successes of our spouse’s day:
- “What was the best part of your day?”
- “What was a success you had today?”
- “What energized you today?”
- “What was something hard that happened today?”
- “What did you struggle with today?”
- “What drained you today.”
Sara Goldstein was the winner with the best list of questions I could find.
Here are some favorites from her post 21 Questions to Ask Your Spouse:
- “Did you listen to anything interesting today?
- If you could do any part of today over again, what would it be?
- What app did you open most today?
- How can I make your day easier in 5 minutes?
- What did you do to take care of yourself today?
- When did you feel appreciated today?
- If you could guarantee one thing for tomorrow what would it be?
- What made you laugh today?
- Did you give anyone side-eye today? What did they do to deserve it?” – Sara Goldstein
Glennon from Momastery.com has an EXCELLENT post on this topic called Save the Relationships: Ask the Right Questions. A few of her ideas:
- “When did you feel loved today?
- When did you feel lonely?
- What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?
- What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?
- What can I do to help you right now?
- Were there any times you felt proud of yourself today?” – Glennon Doyle
So, Rich and I are getting better, but we’ve had our fair share of failed questions as well. Take it from us, here are some things NOT to ask your spouse instead of “How was your day?”:
- What have you been doing all day?
- Why is there orange juice on the carpet?
- Don’t you think it might be better to talk to your boss about that?
- When WILL you _____ (turn in that application? call your mom? do the dishes? take the wet and now mildewy towels from swim lessons out of the bag?)
- Isn’t it your turn to put the kids to bed?
Learn from our mistakes.
Now if you REALLY want to up your communication game, here’s an idea for you:
- Get a cup. Any cup will do.
- Print this PDF.
- Cut out the questions.
- Fold em up and put them in said cup.
- Take one or two out each night at dinner or at a chatting time of your choosing.
- Bask in your new-found intimacy and communication with your partner.
Or you could just print the questions page out and put it up on your fridge for a helpful reminder. To grab your printable, visit this article at MarriageLaboratory.com!