As a young married man, I would try to use my carefully constructed arguments and long lectures to reassure my wife, Melody, that the bridge would never fall through again. Looking back, I could have avoided countless one-sided discussions by doing more to repair the bridge than trying to sell her on the state of it.
When women show hesitancy to trust their husbands, men often become defensive. Although this is a natural reaction for most men, it will do little to boost a woman’s level of confidence. Men that are prone to such behavior will be wise to understand that there is a formula for rebuilding trust in a marriage. I call it change over time.
Men usually do not mind the numerator of my formula. Change is sometimes easy. It is the denominator of the equation that causes men to struggle.
When men repent or change their minds, they often change on the spot by making an about-face turn. Women, on the other hand, are vastly different in that they reverse directions by making a very slow 180 degree turn. This is often a tremendous source of frustration to men trying to woo their wives.
As we saw in the last chapter, when a woman is hurt, she will often build a castle around her heart and shut the door tight. As she hides out for safety, it is vital that the man patiently serve as he waits for her to open that door. Any signs of impatience will send out a resounding message that he is serving his fears rather than her needs. She will also be prone to perceive that he is simply using date nights, flowers, and charitable acts of kindness as a form of control to get her to conform to his wishes.
This teaching is taken from chapter 5 of our new marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another. For ordering information, be sure to visit our resource page.
Our new marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another (Using a 2-Step Process), is designed for individual as well as group study purposes. To see if it may be a good fit for your next small group setting, be sure to visit our online resource center.
Our new marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another (Using a 2-Step Process), is designed for individual as well as group study purposes. To see if it may be a good fit for your next small group setting, be sure to visit our online resource center.
*This teaching is taken from chapter 5 of our new marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting with One Another.
This article originally appeared Hitting Home Ministry..
