Did we fight? You bet. Everybody in this world argues. Anyone who says they never argue with their spouse is lying. Either that or they’ve stopped talking to each other, which is worse. There have been harsh words and the slamming of doors in every marriage. Eddie and I were no different. We’d really go at it because he’s as strong willed as I am, and that’s saying a lot. But whenever we fought, it was always within the context of our determination to stay married, that legacy of perseverance we inherited from our parents. As angry as I might have been in the moment, I always had the comfort of knowing that when the smoke cleared and the shouting stopped, Eddie would still be by my side.
Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist Billy Graham, may have said it best. Taking the major role in raising five children while her husband tended to the spiritual needs of the country, she was once asked— as First Lady Barbara Bush explained— whether she’d ever entertained the possibility of divorce. “Divorce? No. Murder? Yes,” she replied.
It’s inevitable that, over the years, you’ve hurt each other. That kind of pain can be hard to shake, or as Dorothy Parker put it, “Women and elephants never forget.” But God asks us to do exactly that— to forgive and keep no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5). That’s difficult, but it’s necessary in marriage. You have to make the purposeful decision to forgive and move on or seek counseling to reach common ground.
Make the effort to turn the page and go forward together. This next phase of life has to start not just with laughter but also with forgiveness. Because so many things have changed over the years, and because recommitting makes a marriage feel fresh again, many women in this phase of life choose to renew their vows. Women feel like they’ve learned from experience and are ready to rededicate themselves to their partner with a renewed focus and with the savvy to do things right this time. Plus, it means I sell another fabulous dress. That’s a win- win.
