The BW is the most divisive and abrasive type and is the most recognizable in today’s media climate. Their primary mode of communication involves all caps typing and regurgitating fake news articles distributed to Facebook by the Russian government.
Often self-trained in optometry, this type typically spends every waking moment searching strangers’ eyeballs for specks of dust while neglecting the Redwood Forest of planks in their own legally blind line of vision.
The Border Wall’s hobbies include Fox News, Fox News, Fox News, Fox News and forwarding cursed chain emails from their AOL email address. This type sees themselves as far superior to others and would never DREAM of being around *whispers* sinners, (especially not anyone of another race, religion, home-country, or sexual orientation). #gross
Others see Border Walls as: hateful, apathetic, completely out of touch and any word ending in “phobic.”
The BW’s have been hardened by the world and completely forgotten that following Jesus is first and foremost about loving others. They have become so obsessed with the “law” and pointing out sinful lifestyles, they forget they too are in need of a Savior.
The BW’s live in constant fear and anger instead of listening for God’s gentle whisper to love people where they’re at. They have forgotten that relationship is at the core of influencing others to live better lives.
Least Favorite Bible Verse:
“You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.” —Colossians 3:12-14
6. The Over-Achiever
The Over-Achiever is an obsessive people-pleaser and will stop at nothing to achieve PLATINUM status on their church membership card. While often their faith and love is quite genuine, they tend to get side-tracked by “doing church” rather than making disciples and helping the poor.
This type can be seen frantically running around a church building, often with a headset or fancy title, pushing a Costco-sized pallet of gluten-free, nut-free, hypoallergenic communion wafers while simultaneously ensuring no toddler is coloring outside the lines.
You can identify this type by their insane calendar, slightly neglected relationships, and weary heart. While they frequently burn out on religion, they ultimately blame themselves for not trying hard enough. They are heavily rewarded for all their work but can never truly rest in the love of God.
Others see them as dedicated, selfless and admirable.
While this type might seem like a lesser evil than others, the over-achiever also misses the heart of Jesus. In a culture that rewards productivity, stress and busyness, this type spends their life as a “Martha” while neglecting their own soul. The Over-Achiever never can accept they are truly worthy of the love of God and sacrifice of Jesus.
Least Favorite Bible Verses:
“Be still and know that I am God.” -Psalm
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” -Ephesians 2:8-9
7. The Weirdo
This religious type appears most frequently when you bring someone to church for the first time. They are hyper-focused on anything that would make an outsider uncomfortable especially speaking in tongues, exorcisms, obsessive talk of Satan and/or making eye contact while standing at concurrent urinals.
During worship it is guaranteed they will do something completely bizarre like chant, scream, frolic, and/or harmonize a tri-tone under the melody.
Others see them as embarrassing, crazy lunatics who scare off anyone even remotely considering starting a relationship with God.
***Speaking in tongues is listed in the Bible as a spiritual gift alongside Words of wisdom, Words of knowledge, Faith, Gifts of Healing, Miracles, Prophecy, and Distinguishing between Spirits. Some Christians believe many of these gifts were only used in the past while others believe they are still relevant and should be used today.
This type, as in many other types, is interested in appearing to be on a higher level of spirituality and justifies their erratic behavior as proof that God loves them the mostest. They think their individual expression of God is normal and the rest of the world should “get on their level,” but fail to recognize they are literally the worst and the B.O. isn’t helping.
Least Favorite Bible Verse:
“So if the whole church comes together and everyone speaks in tongues, and inquirers or unbelievers come in, will they not say that you are out of your mind?” 14:23
“If there is no interpreter, the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and to God.” 1 Corinthians 14:28
As I have stated many, many, many, many, many, many, many times on this blog: I am not the expert. I’m not sure that even exists. The truth is, I can see parts of myself in many of these too. I’m working on my definition of what is the “type” we all should be striving for. It’s something like this:
The Genuine Follower of Christ
The rarest of all, the Genuine follower of Jesus can be identified by their raw authenticity, genuine warmth, propensity to go to extremes to love people, and tenacity to disrupt the status quo. This type spends time learning God’s Word and genuinely seeks to follow Jesus’ example of a beautiful life.
While the GF’s typically attend church, they are most easily recognized out in the real world making a huge, freaking difference. They are rarely caught up in fighting or big debates and instead rise above the negativity around them to spread hope to a messed up world. They are obsessed with making new disciples and are constantly building relationships and supporting those around them.
They love without agenda.
The other seven types often dislike the Genuine Followers the most for reasons they cannot themselves explain. Ironically, this is what all other types believe they are due to miseducation, laziness, anger issues, undetectable cognitive deficiencies, pride, crystal meth, lust, inflated ego, Little Man’s Syndrome, undiagnosed television addiction or some combination thereof.
The Genuine Follower of Christ is willing to do anything for God including looking stupid, boasting about their failures and weaknesses, and/or admitting their addictions/sin struggles so others can see how God can truly change the trajectory of a person’s life.
While greatly flawed and broken themselves, the GF’s ultimate goal is not perfection, rather a full life lived with God fulfilling their purpose. They do not get tied down by their past mistakes and are eager to show others just how incredible a life lived with Jesus can be.
This world does not need another insincere, slightly moronic, sloth Christian. Those of us who read The Bible for comprehension and actually try (and are often failing) to know and embody the love of Jesus, it’s go time. It is on. Let us not waste another second on things that don’t matter.
Let’s go love people and chase a life that is fully and recklessly alive—a life only found in the adventure as a genuine follower of Christ.
In this together.