My Ex and I Ripped Up Our Custody Agreement

Every custody agreement reads something like… Every other weekend.
Wednesdays from 6pm to 8pm.
Christmas on even years.
Thanksgiving on odd years.
30-day extended visitation in the summer.
Spring break every other year.
No moving out-of-state.
30 days’ notice with a job change or move.
Child support.
Child support review every 4 years.
Insurance provision.
Split copays.


We were exhausted after the first year of trying to follow along with each detail. Details that were somewhat standard and very general to accommodate a broad span of families. Details that were permanent and signed by a judge. Details that never changed, even when our lives did.

We were shackled by a custody agreement

Following these instructions laid out for us made us tired, angry, and confused.
We were tired of times and dates and who has her when and what time she needed to be where and on and on. We were angry because of expectations that seemed impossible. We couldn’t always get her by 6pm or drop her off by 8pm, life just doesn’t work like that and occasionally you’re late or early or can’t do it at all. We were confused because it was a mess.

Have you seen a custody agreement? There’s such a division of time and dates that your calendar is so marked up it looks like a two-year-old got ahold of it with a box of markers.

Our custody agreement was stressing us out, making us miserable and was causing us to argue. It was crippling the need for us to figure out how to work together as a team.

So we threw it out.
Chunked it.
Shredded it into a million pieces.
Burned it at the stake.
WE GOT RID OF IT!

We’ve never looked back, not once.


Candice Curry
Candice Curry is a wife and mom of six precious children. She writes about her loving God, forgiveness, suicide, and autism at her blog CandiceCurry.com, and has been featured on the Today Show, Huffington Post, Yahoo, and the New York Daily News among other publications.

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