4. The days are long and the years are short
You hear this over and over when your kids are little. If you’re like me, you probably think, “Yeah, but someone help me through the days!” The days are long. The days can be hard. But one day you’ll look back and those days will be gone – the days when all they wanted was you and your attention; the days when there was no one else they’d rather be with; the days when you think you’re curled up on the couch reading “one more book” for them, but you come to realize how much it was for you. Enjoy the long days as much as you can. Someone recently said to me, “You get your kids for eighteen years, and then they’re gone.” That’s often true. Soak up the days and your kids when they’re little.
5. Ask for input and trust yourself
I firmly believe in doing my research. At times I’ve had numerous parenting books that offered me the “best practices” of the moment or the author. Perhaps especially because I had such questionable role models – and “just do the opposite” doesn’t always work – I turned to others again and again with a “What should I do now?” question. But then I also learned to trust myself. I learned to trust my heart and my thought processes. I learned that no one could be a better judge of what was right for me and my kids then me and my kids (and of course, my husband/life partner – he got to weigh in too). I’ve learned that there very rarely is one best answer, that it all depends based on the people and the situation, and that if I don’t trust myself and my instincts to see how it works out, I’ll never know if my gut (or well-thought-out) responses are on-target or mildly insane.
6. It takes a village
Raising kids is impossible to do alone. It’s impossible to do alone even when there are two adults in the family who are sharing the duties. There’s always/often the moment when you need a break, or the two of you need to get away, or you thought you coordinated, but neither of you is around to get the kids dinner or pick them up from somewhere. I have an (internal) policy that I will help any parent in any way they need (that I can), so that when I need a village – even if it’s a village of one – I can freely ask for help. It takes a village. Find your peeps. Build your village. Be there for them and call on them in your hour(s) of need.
Becoming a parent does change everything – your outlook on life, your priorities whether or not you have time to use the bathroom (alone). Probably for most of us, and definitely for those of us who had less than ideal role models, it can seem to be an insurmountable task. But I’ve found that parenting is something that I can do at least relatively well, and it’s certainly has been – and continues to be – the most rewarding path ever.
