When life is unfair I want to pray, I know I should pray, but have no blinking idea what to pray. OR, I’m so pissed off I explode in a torrent of expletives or keep my trap shut terrified I’ll offend Him. Have you been there?
Silly really, given He knows my inmost being and can discern my thoughts from afar (exactly how far I wonder?)
Friends, sometimes life is unfair. Here’s a prayer for when it is.
If I’m honest God, life is unfair right now.
It’s hard, painful and not the life I signed up for.
And quite frankly I’m pissed.
Where on earth is the “life in all its fullness” you said you came to give me?
It seems to have vanished.
I know none of us get to skip the hard stuff, but I’m at the end of myself.
I’m trapped in survival mode, overwhelmed, exhausted and wondering what I did to deserve this. Are you mad? Did I do something wrong? Are you even listening or are you off doing important things like helping the poor and oppressed?
All I can see are more relentless days, my new normal, stretching ahead into the dark horizon. No change, no let up, hope a thing of the past.
And where are you? Are you there in the dying light? Are you here with me?
Can you even see me?
Is this all there is now God, or will I get to live life to the full again sometime soon?
I so want to.
I ache to feel joy bubbling up within me again, even just for a moment. The intimacy of friendships that dig deep and the peace of knowing You’ll never leave me.
How about some of that?
I want to know what it is to belly laugh until tears run down my legs and feel so brave in who I am I’ll dance without music and sing with no song.
Is that possible Lord with everything going on?
There’s so much I don’t know and it bugs me senseless.
Why is this happening? What should I do next? Can you fix this? Can I change this? Do you hear me? How long, oh Lord, how long?
Why? How? When? Who? What? Questions and more questions.
Folks in the bible lament their pain so this is my lament to you.
They trust in you and reluctantly, kicking and screaming, I’ll trust in you.
Because where else would I go?
I’ve tried trusting myself and we know how that worked out, don’t we?
I’ve tried putting my faith in my job, money, and my ability and that wasn’t so hot either.
I’ve looked to my kids, my family, my friends and my looks (such as they are) to fix my pain, and they didn’t fill the void or give me peace.