According to research from the University of Sheffield:
Children of risk-averse parents have lower test scores and are slightly less likely to attend college than offspring of parents with more tolerant attitudes toward risk. … Aversion to risk may prevent parents from making inherently uncertain investments in their children’s human capital; it’s also possible that risk attitudes reflect cognitive ability, researchers say.
Sadly, adults continue to vote to remove playground equipment from parks so kids won’t have accidents, as well as request that teachers stop using red ink as they grade papers and even cease from using the word “no” in class. “It’s all too negative,” they say. Forgive me—but while I understand the intent to protect students, we are seriously failing at getting them ready for a world that is anything but risk-free.
As kids grow older, psychologists in Europe are discovering the adverse effects of this over-protection. Interviews reveal that young adults who grew up in risk-free environments are now fearful of normal risks because they never took any risks as kids. The truth is, kids need to fall a few times to learn it’s normal—they may even need to skin their knee. Teens likely need to break up with a girlfriend to appreciate the emotional maturity that lasting relationships require.
4. I would be less concerned with schools and more with skills.
Many parents I’ve spoken to work hard to position their kids to get into the best colleges possible. We bought into the tradition that the right school guarantees a great career. What many don’t realize is that the rules are changing. More and more employers are begging for skills sets, sometimes soft-skills, that many graduates simply don’t possess. Nearly three-quarters of hiring managers complain that Millennials—even those with college degrees—aren’t prepared for the job market and lack an adequate “work ethic,” according to a survey from Bentley University. In other words, the jobs were ready, but the kids weren’t, and to be frank, I don’t know one employer who’s asking about GPA in the interview.
What our kids need are life skills, developed in earlier work experiences. These skills can’t be developed in a classroom, but in real tasks that require risk.
Childhood may be about safety and self-esteem, but as a student matures, risk and achievement are necessities in forming their identity and confidence. According to a study by University College London, risk-taking behavior peaks during adolescence. This is when they must learn, via experience, the consequences of certain behaviors. Our failure to let them risk this may explain why so many young adults still live at home, haven’t started their careers or have yet to experience a serious relationship. Normal risk-taking at 14 or 15 would have prepared them for decisions that require risks, such as moving away from home, launching a career or getting married.
5. I would spend less on possessions and more on perspective.
The number one growing demographic of at-risk kids are teens who come from upper-middle class homes. Why? The more resources they have, the less resourceful they become. Possessions without perspective can lead to real trouble. If I were to do the parenting thing over, I would reward less and rewind more. Instead of giving them all this stuff, I would take the time to debrief experiences and offer perspective on them. Less ribbons and more reality … offered with tender, loving care.
Over the years, I learned my kids needed an equal but opposite dose of both autonomy and responsibility. Whenever they requested autonomy (the ability to act independently and free from adult supervision), I needed to provide them an equal amount of responsibility. One without the other creates unhealthy young adults. If my son wanted to borrow the family car for the night, he needed to fill the tank with gas. Teens who get lots of autonomy with little or no responsibility become brats.
In summary, I would prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.
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