When I was 19, I was asked out on a date by a friend of mine who had no reason to be pursuing a girl like me. He was one of the good ones – the kind of man who gives you a glimpse into God’s love and kindness.
In my eyes, I was tarnished. I looked in the mirror and saw damaged goods by every definition of the word.
But he still pursued me relentlessly – because he was one of the good ones.
He was honest.
He wrote me a letter early on that said, “Lindsey, whatever you want to know, I will tell you. Whatever you want access to, I will show you. I want you to be able to know everything that you want about my life because I care about you.”
I wasn’t used to honest. I was used to working my way around the lies to find a portion of the truth.
He was kind.
He asked questions about me and truly listened. He took notes and remembered the things in my life that I considered important. He honored me physically and worked hard to know me emotionally.
I wasn’t used to kind. I was used to ‘kind when he felt like it.’
He was available.
He made it clear that I was the only girl he was interested in. He always told me exactly how he felt. He took the time to find cute ways to ask me out on (actual) dates and was always eager and willing to talk to me.
I wasn’t used to available. I was used to craving affirmation from guys who played game after game. I was used to the sinking feeling in my stomach when I called and they didn’t pick up – wondering what they were doing and who they were with.
This honest, kind & available man was the one who God had in store for me the entire time. And yet, I had forced other guys to fit like broken puzzle pieces because I just desperately wanted to be seen and loved.
Had I continued believing that ‘broken’ was all that God had for me, I never would have found a truly good man. And although he was imperfect and fell short in these areas at times, he would always strive toward righteousness and goodness by God’s strength.
Sweet friends, you know that guy that you keep going back to, the one who you can’t seem to let go of no matter how badly he continues to hurt / ignore / damage you? Most of us have been with one. It’s time to let him go.
I was told a long time ago that that the more time I wasted on a man who didn’t care about me, the more time I spent missing out on someone who did.
They were so right. And I really wish I would have listened sooner.
I’ll never forget my 17th birthday party. I was at a dinner with my group of friends, laughing and celebrating, when I discovered that my boyfriend had just slept with one of my close friends the previous night. This ‘friend’ then arrived at the dinner a few minutes later, without any clue that I knew what she had done.
This same boyfriend went on to cheat six more times over a two year period and I still got back together with him every single time. He didn’t care about me. He cared only about himself. But I was so afraid to be alone.
Later on, I met someone who claimed to love me enough to marry me. He was one of those who was ‘kind when he wanted to be’, but he never hesitated to grab my arm until it hurt or to give me a little shove when I did something he didn’t like. I forgave and forgave and turned a blind eye when things got hard. Because he would grow out of it, right?