Help Line For Teens and Tweens Whose Parents Are Literally the Worst

If a parent has suggested that you go to bed before 11 p.m., press the 😴 emoji. Bunch of tyrants. A) you’re not even tired, and B) you’re 13 not THREE, GAH. Also, is this a FREE COUNTRY or NOT??

If a parent has suggested that you wear deodorant, scream “You really hurt my feelings!” and press the 👃emoji. Slam the door for emphasis. They have crossed the boundaries of rude and are now just being HATEFUL.

If a parent has asked you if you like the girl or boy you keep talking about, press the 🤐 emoji. Then yell, “I HATE IT WHEN YOU MAKE FUN OF ME!” and give them the silent treatment for the rest of the night.

If a parent has casually reminded you of your curfew before you go out, press the 😱. Then scream “WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME?” as you stomp out the door.

If a parent has denied permission for you to go to Chrissy’s party when her parents are out of town even though it’s just going to be a couple of close friends and NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN, press the 😭. Also, start picking out a coffin for your social life. RIP. 😞

And finally, if your parent has declined to pay $75 for a pair of jeans full of holes, press the ⛔ emoji. Then, wait 5 seconds and call Grandma via the 👵emoji.

If you don’t hear the option that describes the train wreck that is your life, please hold and a Parental-Induced Angst Help Line for Teens Counselor will be on the line to provide you a safe space in just a moment.***


*** May require an attention span and patience duration of over 60 seconds. If no one comes on the line in 60 seconds, hang up and call back repeatedly, or just take a snap of your complete misery so everyone knows how lame and evil your parents are.


Parents, Raising Kids Who Will Do This One Thing is Half the Battle


Jenny Rapson
Jenny Rapson
Jenny is a follower of Christ, a wife and mom of three from Ohio and a freelance writer and editor.

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