My Kids Got Me Some Fancy ‘Soap’ — A Few Hours Later, I Wanted to Burn the House Down

And that’s when it hit me. It wasn’t some upscale boutique $15 soap I had been caressing for the last 12 hours. It was a urinal cake.

That’s right, catch your breath. An f-ing urinal cake. A URINAL CAKE!!!! A urinal cake from the public gym I take my 5 year old for Tae Kwon Do three times a week. A urinal cake that has been peed on by at least 1000 strange little boys that I just held against my cheek!!!!!

With this realization I screamed and jerked it from her hands flinging it into the trashcan.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” she cried bursting into tears. “It’s my FAVORITE!!!!!”


And everything went black.

When I came to I realized I had only two options. As I went through my memory and all the things I had touched [eaten] since touching the vile thing I realized that in combination with all the things my kids had touched we really didn’t have much of a choice. I mean Tae Kwon Do is on Wednesdays and this was now Saturday!!!! This THING has touched basically everything in my house at this point.

So clearly our options were 1. Burn the house to the ground or 2. Pretend like it never happened and drink a bottle of wine [or two]. I’ll leave you guessing as to which I chose.

But either way here’s to kids being the most disgusting creatures ever to crawl the face of the earth and to teaching us some humility in the process.


This article originally appeared at Biscuits and Crazy.

Ashford Evans
Ashford Evans
Ashford lives with her husband, three children, and three dogs in SC. When she’s not pregnant, breastfeeding, or polishing off a bottle of wine she is busy holding down her demanding sales career or working at their family owned business. She blogs about her crazy escapades and living life in between being the bread winner and the bread maker at Biscuits and Crazy or you can follow her Facebook page or on Twitter @ashfordevans. She has also been featured on,,, and the Huffington Post.

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