And that’s when it hit me. It wasn’t some upscale boutique $15 soap I had been caressing for the last 12 hours. It was a urinal cake.
That’s right, catch your breath. An f-ing urinal cake. A URINAL CAKE!!!! A urinal cake from the public gym I take my 5 year old for Tae Kwon Do three times a week. A urinal cake that has been peed on by at least 1000 strange little boys that I just held against my cheek!!!!!
With this realization I screamed and jerked it from her hands flinging it into the trashcan.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” she cried bursting into tears. “It’s my FAVORITE!!!!!”
“WASH YOUR HANDS, YOUR FACE, OH GOD WASH EVERYTHING!!!!!!” I screamed back.
And everything went black.
When I came to I realized I had only two options. As I went through my memory and all the things I had touched [eaten] since touching the vile thing I realized that in combination with all the things my kids had touched we really didn’t have much of a choice. I mean Tae Kwon Do is on Wednesdays and this was now Saturday!!!! This THING has touched basically everything in my house at this point.
So clearly our options were 1. Burn the house to the ground or 2. Pretend like it never happened and drink a bottle of wine [or two]. I’ll leave you guessing as to which I chose.
But either way here’s to kids being the most disgusting creatures ever to crawl the face of the earth and to teaching us some humility in the process.
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This article originally appeared at Biscuits and Crazy.
