It is nearly impossible to reconcile the sweetness of her son’s arrival with the bitterness of him losing his mom hours later. Why did she leave this world at the happiest moment of her life? How could someone so young and healthy suffer such a fate? Why is my better half gone, while I am still here, only half-whole? It’s very hard to accept that the embolism was truly just a very rare complication that nobody could have anticipated or prevented.
But here’s the miracle. Because she was an organ donor, Jenny’s death has resulted in five lives being saved. Her right kidney now lives in a 40-year-old male. Her left kidney and pancreas now lives in a 45-year-old female. Her liver now lives in a 37-year-old male. Her heart now lives in a 66-year-old male. Her lungs now live in a 67-year-old female. They have all an organ identical to one of mine.
These are five people, previously on the brink of death, after long suffering, who now have not just hope but the actual ability for a future. Five people who can continue to chase their dreams, have long-awaited adventures, enjoy their loved ones and experience the beauty of every-day life.Five people whose families and friends are not suffering loss but celebrating. In addition to the live-saving donations, dozens more people are benefiting from her donated tissues. The Jenny we knew and loved so dearly is no longer here. But she lives on.
Last week I had the honor of meeting the man who received Jenny’s liver. He’s a dad, a husband, an athlete, an intelligent and kind person, who is clearly well loved. We are so similar in ordinary ways I could imagine our families’ having a joint BBQ or our kids meeting at school and organically becoming friends. As we hugged, I swear I could feel his newfound energy and hope for his future. It was profound. He couldn’t have changed what happened to Jenny, but she absolutely changed the outcome of his life.
In all honesty, organ donation does not ease the pain of Jenny being gone. But knowing that there is light for others in the darkness we face gives me an enormous amount of peace. My sister was the epitome of kindness and generosity in her everyday actions, so it makes perfect sense that she would offer this incredible gift as she left the world.
Death is always a hard conversation. But since we talked about everything, Jenny and I did numerous times discuss death and our dying wishes. To make it less difficult, we devised a hopeful plan that when we were very, very, very old we would hold hands together peacefully and just close our eyes and fade away. That way we would never have to exist without the other. As a back-up plan, Jenny and I had decided together we would elect to be organ donors if the rare opportunity came that our death could help someone else. When the surreal time actually did come at the hospital, and we were asked the question if Jenny’s organs could be donated, it was with certainty that the answer was yes. She had checked the box on her driver’s license, and I could confirm with conviction that it was what she would want.
Consider being an organ donor if you are not already. It’s incredibly simple to do. If you want more information about organ donation, or to register, check out: www.organdonor.gov or the incredible agency who helped us through our process: www.liveonny.org. Have the tough conversations with loved ones now, so if the horrible happens, you can make a peaceful decision. Do it in honor of a life well lived, as Jenny’s most certainly was.
Jenny’s husband is and will continue to be a wonderful father. I am helping him raise their son and our extended family and friends have created a village to insulate us all from the heaviness of Jenny’s loss. None of us are a replacement for her, but we are an extension of her and her baby will know all the ways in which his mom is a hero.
Jenny is the miracle twin. I am the lucky twin. I am lucky because I was born with a best friend by my side. I am lucky for all we experienced and shared in our 38 years together. I am lucky because I still have days ahead. She is with me always, especially in her sweet baby whose eyes are identical to ours. She is with me in the organ recipients whose lives she saved. She is with me. I will spend the rest of my life doing my best to live for both of us.
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This article originally appeared at TODAY Parents.
