A few months ago my 2-year-old daughter and I were driving home from dinner with friends, and as we pulled onto our street a lump formed in my throat and big, ugly tears began to stream down my face; I realized that tonight was our very last night ever just the two of us to do my daughter’s bath time and bedtime routine. Out-of-town relatives were set to arrive, my husband would soon be home from his deployment, and we’d be having our second baby.
The intense emotion hit me out of nowhere, and I felt guilty about how much was about to change for my daughter. I had no idea how to rationalize or sort through this sudden rush of feelings. I was already so in love with this healthy, unborn baby girl kicking inside my belly, but I felt like I was mourning the future loss of my season as a mama of one.
Fast forward three months later to today as I once again found myself with a lump in my throat, but this time it was the result of watching my 2.5-year-old daughter love on my infant while she sat in her bouncer seat. I had stepped out of the room for a moment to throw something in my bedroom, and when I rounded the corner to return I found my older daughter crouched down by my baby wiping spit-up off of her face and making the sweetest baby-talk noises. My baby was locked in on my older girl’s eyes, and the lump in my throat formed before I knew it. I smiled to myself and recalled my emotions from a few months back; I couldn’t begin to imagine then how full my heart would feel watching the two tiny loves of my life interact with each other. It sometimes takes my breath away.
I was so worried then about the unknown and making my daughter “share” my husband and me and the life we’d all built together, but we didn’t know what we didn’t know, and that’s that I had nothing to worry about.
To the mama reading this whose heart is currently twisted about soon going from parenting one kid to two, it really is true that you’ll never have to split your love between your babies, and it really is true that your love will multiple tenfold as you all get to know your newest little love.
Right now you may catch yourself wondering how it’s humanly possible that you could ever intensely love another little person as much as you love your first (I couldn’t begin to fathom it), but just wait, mama. It’s beautiful and perfect how it so effortlessly will happen.