Lunch: They can choose between a limited number of options and must use “Table Behavior” or they will be excused. This gives them a chance to practice self-control and politeness. There is no playing, touching, loud sounds, or chewing and talking with their mouths open. Of course each of these things do happen at each meal, which is why it’s the perfect opportunity to practice. Actually, I just had to add one today: No licking someone else’s face. We keep the rules repetitive and simple and talk about them throughout the entire meal.
Clean up and Quiet Time: Clean up teaches perseverance and responsibility. All of our toy bins are labeled and they are always kept in the same place. This helps the kids not feel overwhelmed when it’s time to clean up. We model how to clean up around the time the kids start walking. Quiet time is the same everyday: Reading books quietly for 25 minutes, playing quietly in the room for 25 minutes, and then 25 minutes of screen time. The little ones sleep during this time. My 6-year-old likes to leave his room and ask for different options. I say, “No. This is what we do every day so I can teach you to have a good attitude and be independent.” I started using a timer for him in his room so he doesn’t keep asking me if quiet time is over.
Separate Play: I tuck this in throughout the day to give each boy some space. Each boy has a different area to play in quietly. Some of my boys thrive on playing alone and others hate it. I use this time to talk to them about peace. Sometimes it’s okay to be alone with your thoughts, play quietly, and be creative. We say, “Our house is a house of peace, not chaos.”
Bedtime: The day continues with another block of free play, followed by dinner and our bedtime routine. The kids take turns in the bathroom getting ready for bed. As soon as each boy is done, he must wait on his bed and quietly look at books. When all the boys are ready for bed we see whose turn it is to pick the book for me to read aloud. I have a “Name Block” that I turn each night to see whose turn it is. This eliminates fighting over who chooses. It also cuts down on – “One more story!” They know it’s one story every night.
You can see I plan out chunks of time, not every second. This gives me flexibility within my structure. You can also see that our day is very simple. It looks like we’re just accomplishing basic survival, but so much more is happening. Purposeful training is happening. Structure frees up my brain to concentrate on the teachable moments that pop up within each activity. None of this would be possible if we didn’t spend lots and lots of time at home. Your structure needs a home base. Say “No” to things and give yourself lots of time at home to practice your structure. You don’t have to make every day a big adventure for your kids by going out. Practicing your structure at home will be an adventure enough – and they will actually enjoy it more than daily outings.
What about play dates, family outings, sickness, etc? What happens when structure is interrupted? Think of your kids like Jello and your structure like those fancy Jello molds. Every day you pour discipline and character training into your kids. Your structure is what holds it all together. Then, on special occasions when the structure is taken away, discipline and structure still hold its shape. My kids know that behavior at a birthday party should be no different than behavior at home. The same thoughtfulness and self-control they practice everyday at home applies to walking around the grocery store.
Structure doesn’t add more work to your plate. It takes work away. Remember how much energy it takes to dodge flying paintballs all day? Structure arms you. You go into Quiet Time thinking, “This is when we are going to practice self-control.” You go into “Free Play” thinking, “This is when I’m watching for those wise choices and kindness.” You’re prepared. It becomes a habit, both for you and your kids. The day goes by faster and more smoothly. This is called “Paying it forward,” moms. We invest our time and energy in discipline and structure now and we will reap the benefits for years to come.
What does your daily structure look like? How have you seen it benefit your discipline? Share with other moms who need ideas and encouragement!
This article on discipline and structure originally appeared at the Gospel-Centered Mom.
