“You might want to take a break” I suggested, “but maybe wait to delete it until you are sure.” It was probably selfish, but I wanted to believe there was still some good in keeping his account.
As we sat and sipped our coffee, we talked again about Josiah’s reasons for wanting to throw in the Insta-towell. His main thing was that he hated the idea of using social media to impress people…to try to keep up or look cool or fit in with what others were doing. That stuff has become such a turn-off to both of my older boys. They don’t want to buy into it, and I respect them for that.
{^My boys this morning, headed to work at Lei Lei’s, Turtle Bay. Josiah gets to train Jonah on his first day of work…which also happens to be Jonah’s 17th birthday!}
We wondered if there was a way to use Instagram without getting lost in it.
That’s when it hit me.
“Here’s an idea!” I suddenly felt a little genius.
“OK…” He didn’t look very hopeful.
“What if you do this…” I said, leaning in excitedly.
“Since this is about your own heart and keeping a check on your motivations….What if you come up with FIVE PEOPLE…and imagine that you are instagramming for these specific five people. Of course you’ll still have a lot of other followers, but these five can be your personal accountability. (Even if they don’t know it.)”
This time Josiah lit up. His eyes widened and he said “I’m liking this…go on.”
I continued, “Of course it’d be great if your mom was on the list, (*wink*) but you can decide who you want on your list. If you’re posting with the people in mind who you really respect and want to share your life with, then you’ll be sharing the right photos, with the right captions and the right heart, and you don’t have to second guess anything. Let other people do what they will. But you can use it your way.”
I added one more thing: “I also recommend that once you post something, you decide if you are going to scroll through your feed or not. And if you do, be sure to set a time limit.” I know how scrolling can suck us all in, especially as I’ve been working on setting boundaries for my own social media use.
Josiah was all in. He was satisfied and even excited as we finished our coffee. The next day he approached me with a smile. “OK Mom! I’m doing it.” He said. “I’ve got my list!” “Wanna hear who’s on it?”
“Of course I do!”
He went on to tell me that indeed, I made the cut, as well as his youth leader (the one who has mentored him all through high school and beyond,) and the 15-year-old boy that he has been mentoring for the last year. He named two other people who he has great respect for and knows would enjoy keeping up on his life. (Neither were his peers, interestingly.)
I loved it.
It’s been a few months since we had this conversation, so recently I checked in with Josiah to see how things are going. He responded that his “Instagram five” has been a game changer. He no longer wrestles with whether or not to post, and he has quit mindlessly scrolling through his feed. He hasn’t posted much this summer, but the few times he has, he said it’s as simple as running the photo and caption by his five accountability partners. I am so glad.
While this may not solve all of our battles with technology or even social media, it might just be a small step in the right direction.
TRY IT AT HOME
If your kids are on social media, you might want to ask them to come up with five people they would like to keep in mind as they post. Encourage them to include people who they’ll be glad they targeted, later. (They might consider a future boss…or spouse–or in-laws, hehe.) This may be challenging, but some teens might really embrace the challenge. They might even be willing to reevaluate older posts in light of this new approach. I hope this is a helpful way to come alongside your teen as you coach them in using social media with integrity.
With Aloha,
Monica
A version of this post was originally published on monicaswanson.com, published with permission.
