She hadn’t asked to wear them that day. She wouldn’t ask again.
We’d been through a string of requests and denials in the months preceding our walk. She’d ask. I’d say no. We talked about why and how I thought they were too big or not appropriate for everyday – none of which were true. They weren’t too big and they were appropriate. In fact, they were perfect for a teenaged girl. I used my position about the earrings as a physical impasse – a roadblock deterring further advancement on her road to womanhood. But it wouldn’t work for long. My #skatergirl, like all girls, confronted the task of claiming her entrance into the club of women that day. It was never about the earrings.
The earrings and the conversation were always about something more. The hoops were a threshold she tried sweetly to tell me she was ready to cross. But I wasn’t ready. I don’t think I ever would be.
Grace and Growing
This growing up thing happens in stages and the earrings are only one part of it. There’s makeup and boys and parties and curfews to negotiate in the future. But for us, it started with the earrings. To be clear, we aren’t talking about full-fledged, card carrying membership. This is the granting of a seat at the table. It is time and I think she’s earned it.
I’m not sure I’d have ever been ready to say yes. Whether I admit it or not, I always knew what the earrings meant. My resistance was part of my development as the mother of a young woman.
Whether I admit it or not, I always knew what the earrings meant. My resistance was part of my development as the mother of a young woman.
A part of me will always want her cradled next to my chest – her only source. The greater part of me delights in her ability to fly.
This isn’t a post about a disobedient daughter and perhaps you’ll judge me for letting her get away without having asked permission. I see it differently. It’s a post about how in the asking, a young woman prepared her mother for the unavoidable – the moment she’d declare – her transition from girl to young woman. It’s a post about welcoming my daughter into the circle of women and how the mother daughter relationship includes a fair amount of wrestling, of leaning and bending. We’re growing everyday into the grace of a God-given relationship. One that is real, and flawed and continues to change.
I’m so proud of her.
So, that day on the bridge I didn’t say anything. I simply told her she was beautiful. Because she was. She is.
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This article originally appeared at GraceTable.org.
