Q: What is your food bill like each month?
A: How much is your mortgage?
Q: How will you ever pay for all of their college tuition?
A: Well bless your heart for taking a look at us collectively and still believing my kids could qualify for entrance into any institution that isn’t traveling with trained animals, acrobats and clowns.
Q: Does it get pretty loud at your house?
A. Didn’t catch that. What did you say?
Q: Are you trying to be like that other family? The one on TV with the nineteen kids?
A: Oh yeah, baby. Because the number 7 is just.so.close. to the number 19. Heck, I’m almost there.
Q: Why is that one taking his clothes off?
A: Don’t worry about him. He’ll stop undressing when he realizes we’re buying mustard.
There now. I hope that satisfied some of your curiosity.
Looking back, I’m sure you have subconsciously blocked out the savagery of what you saw in our check-out lane. Let’s just say it involved a twirling sister, a sprawling brother, escaped oranges, a Flop Tantrum, and a flying churro. After St. Peter (the receipt angel and exit-guardian), gave us his nod of approval to move on out, we trekked the circus back to the van and headed home. Much to your relief and silent applause, I’m sure.
That leaves me here, sipping coffee and recollecting another Costco adventure that I look forward to each and every week.
You are always welcome to join us on our next shopping trip, of course. We like new friends. I’ll even put you to work pushing a cart. But you’ll have to swear upon chocolate milk that you won’t show us up by dressing like normal people do.
Which means you’ll need to be wearing attire suitable for a day on a yacht. Or a slumber party.
Or a ski resort.
-Sincerely Yours, Mrs. Diaz
*the word progeny (paragraph 1), in this instance refers to 7 quirky, bedraggled, colorful and unconventional offspring slightly resembling a funeral parade for fellow Big-Top performers. Mr. Diaz has informed me that the word progeny is far too sophisticated for this blog and I have to agree with him and therefore apologize.
