*Author’s note to readers: My intent in writing this was simply to remind myself that everything in life can wait, but my kids can’t. Writing this is my help; It’s my perspective shift. This is for me, a busy stay-at-home-mom and writer, and not directed at anyone else. However if it helps you, then I am forever humbled by that.
I see you rushing through life, trying to make ends meet. I see the bills stacked up and the never ending to-do lists. I see the dust bunnies and the dirt stained carpets. I see the heaps of laundry and the piles of dishes. I know that your plate is full. I get it, I really do. I see how busy you are.
But Mommy, I need you to see me. I need you to know that I’m still here.
I see how focused you are and how hard you work. I hear the frustration in your voice every time you have to stop what you are doing to help me. I know that you have important things to do. Things that sometimes can’t wait.
But Mommy, I can’t wait either. I need you to remember how special I am. I need to feel like I’m the most important part of your world.
Mommy, I see the sacrifices you make. I see that you constantly put yourself last. I see your unwashed hair and your faded clothes. I see the polish chipping from your toes. I see your make up sitting on the dresser, untouched. I know that you are doing your very best.
But Mommy, I don’t need your best. I just need you. I need you to pause for a moment and see me. I need to watch your eyes light up as they meet mine.
Mommy, I see how quickly times passes. I watch the hours fly by, the days run into weeks, and the weeks turn into years. I know how precious our time is. I see it slipping away. .
But Mommy, I need you to grab on. I need you to squeeze tighter. I need you to hold this time sacred and not let it pass so quickly. I need you to just stop. Because Mommy, I’m growing so fast.
Pretty soon, I’ll be too big to sit on your lap. Pretty soon, my hands won’t fit in yours. Pretty soon, I’ll be busy too.
But right now, I still want to sit in your lap. I still want to feel my hands in yours.
Mommy, I may not need you to feed me, burp me, or change me, but I need to see you looking at me. I need to know that you hear me. I need to hear you validate me. I need to feel you love me. I need to you to show me that I’m ok.
Mommy, I may not need you to tuck me in or snuggle me at night, but I need to feel like you miss me while I’m asleep. I need to see your excitement when I wake in the morning. I need to know that I complete you. That without me you feel empty, like a part of you is missing. I need to know that your world is a better place because I’m in it.
Mommy, I may not need you to hold my hand, but I need you to always hold my heart.
Sometimes the world feels cold and scary and I need your warmth to comfort me.
Sometimes I feel lost and afraid and I need your gentle hand to guide me.
Sometimes I get hurt and I need your shoulder to cry on.
Sometimes I have a lot of questions. Sometimes life just doesn’t make much sense. I need you to sit down and talk to me. I need you to ease my mind, even if you don’t have any answers. I need to know that we are in this together. That I will always have you by my side.
Mommy, sometimes I don’t even know why I need you. Sometimes I just need to know that you’re there. And that you see me. Sometime I need you to show me that I haven’t faded into the background. That life hasn’t taken you away from me. That I will always be your number one.
Mommy, sometimes I don’t need you at all. Sometimes, I just want you. I want you because I love you. I want you because you are my world. You are my everything, my heart, my soul, my breath. And mommy, I’m scared I’m slipping away.
Mommy, I’m scared you won’t see me.
Mommy, do you see me?