Simple Ways to Serve Your Husband (Without Waiting on Him Hand and Foot)

My husband is a man’s man.

Brought to you by Ford and farm land. Rough, tough and stoic; this man defines manly (his picture is also likely located in the definition of redneck). Many of my friends refer to him as Farmer Adam, and he fits the bill just fine.
However, over the last seven years of marriage I have seen God change my husband into a humble servant, which is a beautiful and challenging thing.

Recently I felt challenged to try to serve him as he serves me, because he serves me really well.

When I say ‘serve’ I don’t mean waiting on each other hand and foot, even though in theory that sounds nice, it’s deeper than that. It’s caring about things you don’t care about and setting your needs aside for one another, it’s doing life the Jesus way.

“ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant”
Matthew 20:26


Look for ways to love well

My husband is a clean and tidy man (except his workshop which is a whole other thing). He doesn’t leave towels on the floor or dishes in the sink. I am the opposite of this, as far the other side as you can get really. So, I can love my man well by picking up my messes even though it doesn’t bother me in the least bit to leave dishes in the sink.

This is me intentionally loving him well, sometimes it’s effortless and sometimes it feels quite painful to load those dishes when I’m dog tired from a full day of life. Loving him well is pretty much always worth it. Sometimes I’ll pray for him and for us while I “sacrifice” that time and energy. It helps the sting of doing something that may be annoying me at the time.

What’s your husband’s thing? Is it clean clothes? Is it having pressed shirts? Is it shoulder to shoulder time watching something on TV that isn’t necessarily your thing? What’s important to him, how can you love him well this week?

Make that special thing

Farmer Adam loves to eat the same things. Generally these things contain a meat and a potato. He loves my monster cookies and the other way to his heart is in the form of sloppy joes. He’s a simple man ya’ll. So, I make something he loves to eat at least once a week, if not more.

How hard is it to make a dinner that he loves, mostly not hard at all? I will also text him ahead of time while he’s at work so he knows his lady has a yummy meal planned for him at home. This is pretty close to being as good as a sexy text to him!

What’s that special thing for your man? Is it a meal, a treat or a favorite beverage awaiting him upon his arrival home? You know him better than me, I challenge us to do this for our men at least once a week (maybe more!)

Do what he wants to do

Our dates and time spent together are generally things I want to do, because let’s be real I am usually the one working out all the details of plans and sitters so we can escape the farmhouse for a while. I have begun to reflect on what our time together looks like. In my mind we should be out doing stuff, the trick is my man likes to stay home and work on things.

So, sometimes our time together needs to be working side by side on a project of his (like right now we are finishing our basement, I need to set aside time to help him– -ugh- — cue dying to yourself). He loves it when we do work together. When he’s fixing something I am also helping fix that thing whatever it may be. This is a weird form of his love language but it’s his thing.

Ladies, participate in life with your man. This is part of serving him. This means date nights can’t always be caviar and sunset walks on the beach (if they ever were?). Sometimes it looks like going to the driving range or staying home and cooking his favorite meal.

None of these things are done in perfection, and I drop the ball all the time. However, I want to challenge us to devote ourselves to intentionally serving our husbands, selflessly. (Looking for ideas on how to build in small and thoughtful habits and serving into your marriage? Check out Intentional Love, a marriage book bundle from Leah and her husband Matt!)

Serving them in the ways that show them we love them, we value them and we see them. This looks different for each of us, add this to your prayer time with God. Ask him to reveal how you can have a servant’s heart in your marriage. Just as the verse in Matthew says, to be great we must first become servants. This will change our marriages, our witness and will draw us nearer to our heavenly Father.

Looking for ways to serve and be intentional in your marriage? Check out the Intentional Love book bundle; 31 ways to build thoughtfulness in your marriage.


This article originally appeared at



Chrystan Ferrell
Most days Chrystan can be found at the end of a gravel road on Ferrell Farms, sitting on her farmhouse front porch drinking coffee and dreaming.  As a wife, boy mom of three, step-mom of one, fierce lover of Jesus and pursuer of ministry Chrystan invites you to join in on all the crazy that Ferrell Farms has to offer over on her website where she loves to create a safe place for women to land.

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