Here are just some ways you can help by passing on the knowledge and understanding.
1) Share your understanding that being at home with kids all day is hard, especially when pats on the back or smiles communicating job well done may not be said. Affirmation and speaking aloud the traits you admire about her, can lift that mom’s heart, confidence and self-esteem up from the sidewalk-chalked pavement.
2) Communicate that fun doesn’t have to be as thrilling as a day at Disneyland nor last for consecutive hours. Several minutes of good times, count. Enjoyment can take place in spurts and doesn’t require a ticket purchase.
3) Affirm that everyone “blows it.” 24/7 of any one thing or person can be challenging. That’s not to say unleashing frustration without attempts at exercising self-control is okay, but suggest to that mom she can apologize to restore connection with her kids, and to resist the temptation to load up on guilt. Humility is key in making peace and models for children how to respond when their pieces in the “I lost it” battles need picking up.
4) Present an airplane view so she can see beyond the curb. Her time will re-shift, just as it did when she began working, and just like it will do upon retirement, when children leave home, and when this quarantine ends. The days of calling out, “Have a good day,” from the front door or driver’s seat of the car in the school drop off line, will return and these present moments will become past ones.
5) Think about what you would have wanted to hear when you began being-at-home season. What were the life giving words a friend spoke to you? Share what worked when needing to settle a child, offer crockpot recipes for dinner, your favorite read-aloud books or the ingredients for homemade playdough. She might need coaxing to let her kids pull out pots, pans and bowls, and stack them high without the perceived mess in mind. If she has older kids, she might need to hear that having space is okay, and likewise, flopping atop her teen’s made (or unmade) bed with a, “What’s going on?” is a simple way to connect. With all the opinions relative to raising children, you’re simply extending empathy and discoveries you found helpful. She need not fear judgment or a debate on parenting approaches or philosophies.
6) She may not have a reason to slip into heels, slacks or wear a blouse, but can enjoy loungewear at a slower pace. The days to a pull out a business card from her wallet will return, and though her life’s work is worthwhile, her identity does not solely come from the imprinted title or colorful company logo stamped on card stock. Her unique talents, gifting, character, and all the reasons that make her a special woman, mother, spouse and friend, matter just as much, if not, more.
In a time when passing something on is of grave concern, it’s nice to know encouragement isn’t one of them.
And that, SAHM, is something you can spread.
