3. Fear in Friendship
I am working through some resentment issues in counseling and I am so encouraged by the progress I have made while I still have a ways to go. For me my resentment mostly shows up in relationships, but mostly from how poorly I have been treated in friendships, and even by some family members in the past. Most have been related to racism, but some are just other people’s toxic behavior and patterns.
Sadly, they have impacted me so negatively that I have little to no desire to create new relationships with people. This is not like me at all or who I am at the core of my being, but sadly that is what trauma does to you.
You try everything to stay “SAFE” and even my attempts to be super cautious of who I let in my life has still resulted in letting toxic people into my circle that I didn’t know were, until it was too late. Sadly, you can’t see everyone’s true colors until you’ve already invested time and energy.
Sometimes, certain situations bring out who someone really is and you can’t see that until there is pressure, heat or an issue in the relationship and that is scary.
However, I am focused this year on letting go of this fear in creating new friendships. Trauma since high school has made me believe that people are not safe and being alone is better than letting people hurt you or realizing the horrible prejudices that exist in their hearts.
I want to be my old self, full of love.. assuming the best in people with healthy boundaries in place. Does this mean I won’t be selective in my friendships?!
Of course not.
I will be cautious, but I no longer want to be so guarded that I don’t even allow relationships that could be such a blessing into my life.
Fear keeps you alone, and sometimes even settling with the relationships you are currently in when you know it’s time to let them go.
So, this year I’m not going to be trusting my own instinct alone, but I will be putting more of my trust in God. That He will bring positive people in my life and show me when to walk away, as well as establish healthy boundaries.
I won’t be taking these 3 things into the New Year with me. I will be taking freedom, peace, more balance, healthier friendships, better boundaries and a new love for taking better care of myself. I hope you will do the same!