This year has felt so exhausting, challenging and frustrating. It has also been incredibly empowering, exciting and full of so many blessings. I’ve invested in my mental health more with weekly counseling, listening to some great books, reading my Bible more and being more vulnerable in my closest relationships.
This year I have learned A LOT about myself and how I want to live my life in the upcoming year and instead of making resolutions, I decided I want to LET GO of 3 major things that I have carried for years and believe will allow me to have a healthier upcoming year!
1. Putting Myself Last
We really normalize women (especially moms) putting themselves last and they suffer greatly because of this.
Many times it even enables others to put us last which in return results in feeling unfulfilled and can also be harmful to others becoming who they should be without being so heavily dependent on us.
For years, I have put myself last and in many ways others don’t even notice. I’ve done it with my kids, my marriage, my friendships, my family. I make these sacrifices that go unnoticed and in many ways aren’t even necessary and I can only blame myself. I am in control of my actions, not them.
It’s easy to get frustrated and resentful with others without taking accountability in the matter.
No one is making me put myself last, I am choosing to do that for various reasons. Sometimes we do it to gain love and admiration or because it’s the definition I was taught of being a good mom, wife or friend. I’ve even believed it’s a great way to show people you love them when there are many other ways to do that effectively without sacrificing who you are.
In my life this can look like:
- eating my food after everyone else is served
- leaving the last piece of bacon for someone else
- saying yes to my kids activities even though I’m exhausted and need to stay home
- Only working & striving for my dreams when no one else needs anything from me
- Cleaning more than anyone else because I don’t want them to be too tired
- Not asking for what I need, but constantly assessing everyone else’s needs
- Watering down my feelings and being passive when hurt and upset
- Not asking for help when I need it
I could type 101 ways this shows up in my life and even though I’ve gotten better at this, I know I need to do more.
My mental health depends on it.
Loving myself as well as I love others.
Taking time and space to be alone and take care of me without guilt associated. Dismantling in my life this toxic idea that I should come last to love people in my life well.
Some ways I plan on doing this better next year are:
- Taking the last piece of bacon when I cooked it & am still hungry (joking but not haha)
- Clearly communicating my needs and feelings in relationships vs just catering to theirs
- Asking for help in all areas of my life
- Reading books to continue the work of letting go of these false messages I’ve absorbed
- Taking time upstairs to be alone, meditate or spend time with friends without guilt
- Working through this all in continued counseling