My doctor was nice for the 10 minutes she sat with me and let me try to explain the gravity of my situation. She had a student doctor shadowing her, a stranger who I’d never seen or met before, present while I tried to hold back tears and explain how hard things had become in my life. Of course, my doctor said that this was common for new moms- postpartum depression. She seemed sympathetic as she prescribed me some Paxil and sent me on my way, explaining that the feelings would pass in a few months, and asked that I come back in two months for a check-in.
The Paxil did help. It took the edge off my anxiety and the dark thoughts that pressed my mind during those merciless days. However, the only thing that ultimately worked was getting through to the other side of the colic period in one piece. Just as quickly as the crying started with my daughter’s entrance to the world, it stopped. One day our home was suddenly filled with a calm quiet. After so many months of crying, it was a quiet that seemed strange and foreign, albeit a welcome relief.
As more weeks and months passed, things slowly started to feel like they were getting put back together again in our lives, the toxicity of our home dissipating as it was replaced with the smiles and laughter of a baby growing and thriving. I finally started to bond with my daughter.
Nearly two years have passed since the colic period, yet as I remember back to that time in my life, I am still haunted by the feelings I came to know, the pain and loneliness of it all, the hopelessness I felt. Having a baby who suffers from colic is an experience that truly cannot be described in words to someone else, but can only be known by living through it oneself. I know there are hundreds of other mothers living through it now, knee deep in the throes of suffering through this experience, searching for other support and other experiences online.
So, Momma, know this: I know your pain. You are not alone. This period of your life is temporary and it will be gone before you know it. Though it feels like it may last forever now, it’s fleeting. You’re doing amazing, even if it doesn’t feel like you are most days. Your baby needs you, so hang in there, because all of this pain and anxiety will be gone soon. Things will get so much better.
Momma, you are brave, you are fierce, you are strong.
You are a survivor.
