We find ourselves in a heated debate while the child — who was at the center of the issue — sits quietly on his bedroom floor, playing with Legos.
Hmm, what’s wrong with this picture?
EVERY child triangulates his parents sometimes. It’s as simple as asking dad for something when you know dad is the go-to yes guy and mom would probably say no.
The problem comes when you have settled deeply into patterns of it happening again and again, and it’s causing continued conflict. But don’t worry, it’s fixable when you recognize it’s happening. (More on that in the next post.)
3. Are you settling too deeply into your personality traits?
One of the awesome things about how God created marriage is that we marry someone who is different from us, and we compliment each other. I’m more outgoing, he is more reserved. Together, I bring him out of his shell and he helps me stay grounded.
When this gets out of whack, you each settle deeper into your personality traits, which isn’t good.
If you feel your husband is too permissive with the kids, and you tend to be more strict, what happens the next time you see him doing something you feel is lax? You rush in to fix the situation, becoming even MORE strict.
He sees you become overly strict with the kids, which he thinks is overkill. He becomes even MORE relaxed to compensate for what he feels is your issue.
On and on the cycle continues.
If this is happening, you each need to step back and appreciate the good in your spouse so you can relax your behaviors.
Finally, remember this important truth: Your spouse is not your enemy. You and your spouse are on the same team.
Do you see one or more of these issues — unhealthy arguing in front of the kids, triangulation, or settling into personality traits, playing into your parenting battles?
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This post originally appeared at SaraBorgstede.com.
