I snapped at my children today, like a lot. I’m irritable, I’m cranky, I’m tired, and life has just been hard lately.
I’m running out of ideas to entertain my children every day. I’m tired of having to entertain them every day, if I’m being honest.
I don’t want to be the “snappy mom,” the one who yells at her children over the littlest things. I don’t want to attempt to put them in time-out over the small things (and let’s be honest, time-outs are not working for me so far).
I want to be a better mom.
The guilt is real, God. Like, I feel guilty all the time about my job as a mother.
I feel guilty for wanting a break for myself.
I feel guilty that I want to scroll through my phone rather than bring out the messy arts and crafts supplies.
I feel guilty that I’m not enough for them and that they need more than what I have to offer in these four walls.
I feel guilty for snapping and being a crank-zilla of a mommy.
Lord, I feel like I’m failing over here.
They told me the stay-at-home mom life would be hard but they didn’t mention the guilt that comes with it. They didn’t mention that it’s the loneliest job there is but then there’s You.
You’re there through it all.
Every day, You’re there as I make their breakfast and change the diapers.
You’re there when I play and laugh with my children.
You’re there when I snap and yell and run to the bathroom to cry by myself.
And so, knowing that I’m not doing motherhood alone every day, I pray that You help me through it all.
Help me savor these moments of motherhood while they’re still little.
Help me snap less and love more.
Give me energy to keep up with my children and keep them busy.
Give me patience as I’m tested by the tantrums and teething baby.
Lord, help me through motherhood so I can be a better mom.
~Your loving daughter who wants to be a better mom.
This post originally appeared at Her Strength & Dignity, published with permission.