Yep. You guessed it. I claim fame to farting on my first date. Not only did I do the unthinkable, but I laid the loud and not so proud rumbler right on the guy’s lap. Gawd. Then I pretended nothing happened. He played along until my shoe made a strange noise on the floor causing him to ask me straight up, “Did you just fart?”
“No!” (Like, who’s going to admit that!?)
“Are you sure?” he grinned like an orangutan.
“Well, not now, but I did earlier,” I mumble-admitted while throwing up in my mouth a little. (Guess I’m the screwball who chose to admit that.)
“Yeah, I KNOW! I felt it and heard it! LOLOL”
We both laughed until we cried. My tears mostly out of embarrassment and fear of landing another one. I mean, who passes gas on their first date? No one.
While you might be judging wondering why I was sitting on his lap on the first date, keep your focus on the real reverb of the fiasco, which was me standing on the altar two years later saying, “I do.”
Don’t be embarrassed for me. I’m not red-faced in the least anymore because boy wonder and I just celebrated 25 years. It turns out farts are gross, but also legit fire starters. Who knew?
But the real wisdom behind this dating nuance has nothing to do with vapor trails and everything to do with being real—even if by accident. The way I see it, being authentic goes a forever way when it comes to anything in life, especially in relationships. We’re much better off showing our true colors (or smells) early on because then we’ll know whoever sticks around is definitely for us.
After living almost five decades, and being married to the same guy I embarrassed myself in front of from day one, I’ve finally realized there’s nothing to gain by trying to fake it ’til you make it. Rolling with what’s comfortable and comes naturally is vital because that means we’re staying true to who we are.
