My daughter doesn’t want to go to after-school childcare. There’s a girl there that keeps telling her she can’t play with other kids, who makes her feel badly for having other friends, and who threatens to take away “privileges” like birthday invitations if she doesn’t follow orders. When my daughter told the childcare workers that she didn’t want to be friends with this girl, she was scolded and told, “We’re ALL friends, here.” But, they’re wrong. We’re not all friends, and we don’t have to be.
I have a feeling that what those childcare workers meant was that meanness won’t be tolerated. And, I agree. But speaking up for yourself is not the same as being intentionally mean. Being “nice” and being “kind” are two different things.