It was enough to say this, the day she found out about my relationship with the other woman:
“Bryan, I will love you as a friend, but not as your wife, to help you get help.”
She loved me.
It was enough to walk beside me during the most difficult period of my life, as I began to uncover years and years of hurt that I had buried deep within my heart and soul.
It was enough to do all of this while we were separated, living in different houses.
She loved me.
It was enough to eliminate alcohol in her own life, so I could be healed from the addiction that I was facing.
It was enough to allow my hardened heart the time it needed to soften.
She loved me enough to forgive.
She loved me.
People say that love wins. I even said it a few weeks ago when I posted a picture to Instagram.
But does love actually win? I don’t think it does.
Surrender wins. Love follows surrender.
In the middle of my darkness, I made the decision to surrender. I had no other options if I was going to make it.
It wasn’t about my marriage. It was about whether or not I was going to make it another day as thoughts of suicide crept in.
Proverbs 4:19
But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.
I was in so deep that I didn’t even know that I was in the dark.
Darkness is the absence of light.
Jesus says this.
John 8:12
I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.Luke 9:23-24
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.
Both of these statements use the word whoever.
Whoever includes ME. Whoever includes YOU.
Both of these statements use the word follow.
To follow is to come after, to go behind…to surrender.
In order for me to love my wife the way that I was supposed to love her, I had to surrender my life to Jesus first and experience unconditional love from the One who created me.
In order for my wife to forgive me, she had to surrender her life to Jesus first.
In order for our lives to be saved and our marriage restored, we had to lose the lives that we were living. Oh but we gained so much more.
Andy Janning
Shayla, I am sorry for the pain I caused you. I am sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry that I did not love you enough. I am sorry.
Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for standing beside me. Thank you for loving me when you didn’t have to.
Thank you for loving me enough.
Shayla, you are simply remarkable. I will protect you. I will protect us. I will do whatever it takes. I love you.
To the one reading this who is in the middle of the darkness, there can be light. You can be healed. Your marriage can be restored. The pain can be overcome with beauty.
There is hope. Hope has a name. His name is Jesus.
My prayer is that you wrestle with what it means to surrender, and as a result, experience love…true love.
Surrender wins, love follows.
Bryan
