36 Things I Learned After My Sister Was Murdered by Her Husband

He thought he could keep you dead and gone and silent and in the ground, but you rise up every. single. day.

My sister was murdered by her husband on May 26, 2010. The world shook and darkened.

Here’s what I’ve learned in the years since her murder.

1. Crying outrageously with snot running down your face is completely normal.

2. The soul leaves the body before you do.

3. Even when you’re not listening, God still whispers your name.

4. Writing words and sentences transforms the spirit into something fierce.

5. Drinking a bottle of red wine a day helps numb the pain, (but it doesn’t last)

6. You do not “get over” missing and mourning a loved one; you only incorporate the loss, one way or another, into your survival.

7. When your sister is murdered, it’s not like losing an arm or a leg or a foot, it’s like losing a heart, a soul, a childhood, an identity, and your own blood.

8. Staying silent about domestic abuse is like signing your own death certificate. Don’t sign it.

9. Have you heard about the sixth sense? USE IT!

10. As Maya Angelou says, “When somebody tells you who they are the very first time, you’d better believe them.”

11. You cannot, I Repeat, CANNOT, change another person. You can only change yourself.

12. Darkness resides within insidious corners.

13. The people you least expect to become angels will grow wings and fly directly into your grief.

14. Family and friends are your oxygen.

15. God Is Not dead.

16. The Devil is not dead. He may be sitting at your kitchen table.

17. Death is not the end.

18. Even though my sister’s body is in the ground, she rises from the soil, the marble, the cemetery every. single. day.

19. There are worst things than dying. For example, living without purpose.

20. Going insane tests a marriage to the max. Mr. Liverpool Stayed!

21. Light overpowers darkness.

22. Never go a day without telling & showing others how you feel about them.

23. When another person makes you feel “Less Than,” this is abuse. Don’t kid yourself.

24. The purpose of life is not to serve yourself, but to serve others.

25. Your emptiness cannot be filled by the universe.

26. You should only surround yourself with God loving, life changing, kick ass people who make you bloom, grow, love more, learn abundantly, and flourish often.

27. A simple smell can put me over the edge. For example, sugar cookies baking in December.

28. Coming undone is not the definition of weakness.

29. Not acknowledging another person’s pain is like inserting salt inside an open wound.

30. We are given a voice to utilize it, share it, connect with others, and tell our stories. ( Do Not Stop telling your stories, darlings.)

31. NEVER. Evvvvvvvver. allow another person to disrespect, belittle, demean, minimize, or bully you into what you were meant to be.

32. In the midst of black and claws and fangs and fog, there is sun and soft breezes and warm kisses and flickers of light.

33. Nobody…In a million years will ever replace my sister.

34. This earth is not my home.

35. No matter what you’ve been through, you have the POWER to change the world Exactly. Where. You. Are. Standing.

36. The deeper you love, the harder you fall, but I’d do it over again and again and again…

Darling, Reader, how are you making a difference? What are some lessons you’ve learned along the way?

Help For Domestic Abuse: CLICK HERE Call Now. Do Not Wait: 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Kim Sisto Robinson
Kim Robinson is a mother, lover, wife, educator, writer, obsessive blogger,  and a poet. She is extremely passionate about women’s issues, especially domestic violence, after her sister, Kay was murdered by her husband. Find her at My Inner Chick or follow My Inner Chick on Facebook. 

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