I can be too much for people.
Too loud. Too outspoken. Too obnoxious. Too driven. Too intense. Too over the top. Too all over the place.
Too much of everything they aren’t looking for.
Everywhere we look opinions swirl from every direction and as women we internalize it. We start asking ourselves, “Why?”
Why don’t they like me? Why are they talking about me behind my back? Why didn’t I get the invite, make the cut, get the job – you name it.
We wonder – did we say something or do something to offend someone? Is it our clothes or the way we wear our hair? Did we speak up too much or laugh too loudly?
We question everything and when there isn’t something to question, you can bet your pretty little face we will find a way to worry and over analyze.
CRAP she looked at me weird when I made that comment. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. Ugh. Why can’t I ever keep my mouth shut? Could I have been any louder? So embarrassing. She could probably tell I was nervous. OMG. Was my neck breaking out in hives when I was talking?
We beat ourselves up over a comment we made five days ago or the way we laugh. We suck it in at parties and order a salad even though we want a 10 oz steak and the loaded fries. We buy the clothes and wear the makeup. We cut our hair and change our look to fit the latest trends because it’s what’s “in style.” We try so desperately to fit in to places and crowds with people we don’t even know.
And for what? To be liked? To be deemed worthy? Sis come on. Do you hear yourself? This isn’t high school anymore. This isn’t Susan not picking you for her side of Red Rover. This is real life. YOUR life.
So, what are you doing?
Stop trying to change yourself. Stop looking in the mirror and wishing you looked differently; that there weren’t so many wrinkles or your nose wasn’t so large. Stop hiding under t-shirts at the beach and staying out of pictures. Stop glancing over to see who’s watching or who’s talking and just live your life.
That thing that’s holding you back? It’s opinions. It’s this idea that somehow it’s plausible with enough bending and stretching to appease everyone. To be liked by everyone. To blend in just enough that everyone will somehow love you.
NEWS FLASH: It’s not possible.
Sometimes you will be misunderstood or judged for something completely out of your control. They’ll judge you the minute you walk in or because of your last name. They’ll judge you because of how you look or the way you talk. Does it sting? Absolutely. Does it define you? Hardly.
Not everyone is going to like you. It’s OK.
Stop trying so hard. Stop worrying about what others think and apologizing for every little thing. So, you’re too much or not enough. Stop letting opinions dictate your worth.
You weren’t given this life to blend in; to conform so much you don’t even recognize the woman staring back at you. That’s not living sis.
Be you. Whoever that is. Go into this year with a fire so bright that people can’t help but notice.
Will everyone like you? No, but honestly – who cares.
This piece originally appeared at They Whine So I Wine, published with permission.