A Letter to My ‘Big Girl’ — From One Big Sister to Another

big sister

To my darling daughter, my little bug, my tiny baby bear, and all the other ridiculous names I call you.

I know you’re experiencing a lot of mixed feelings since your baby sister was born. I know you’re excited and you love her to pieces, but I also know you too well not to notice you seeming sad when Mommy spends time with baby. I’m writing this to tell you that it’s okay to be sad or mad. It’s okay and beautiful to feel your feelings.

When I was your uncle’s big sister, I learned a lot about the feelings you’re having right now. I want to share this knowledge with you, so you understand ahead of time some of the ways your new sister will change your world. Most of all, I want you to understand that love isn’t pie — it doesn’t diminish or disappear when another piece enters the picture. Your heart is more like a piggy bank — the more people you add to it, the more your love multiplies and grows.

Your Baby Sister Will Look Up to You

Becoming a big sister means shouldering a lot of new responsibilities. Chances are, your new baby sister will grow to idolize you. While having a new admirer doesn’t sound so bad, it does mean that what you do, your little sister will want to do, too. That means you’ll need to act as a good role model.

I know that sounds a bit scary, but please understand, becoming a role model doesn’t mean behaving perfectly all the time. We’re all human, and even your father and I make mistakes. But being a good role model does mean that choosing to participate in unhealthy habits like smoking or drinking means your sister will want to follow your example. Likewise, if you eat all your broccoli and carrots to grow big and strong your sister will want to do the same.

You have so many impressive traits that it’s hard to list them all. But I promise you that as long as you keep on being your honest, responsible, generous and determined self, your sister will feel proud to follow in your footsteps.

A Little Sibling Rivalry Is Normal

There will be days, my dear, when your little sister will drive you right up the wall. You’ll catch your sister playing dress up with your favorite clothes. Sometimes, she’ll eat all the blueberries in the fruit bowl, leaving you with nothing but kiwi — which I know you hate.

I want you to know, it’s perfectly normal to feel jealous, frustrated and even angry at times when you have a sibling. Remember, though, that once you speak words aloud, you can never take them back. Try not to say things you’ll later regret, because just like a broken plate will always show the glue you used to repair it, broken hearts never heal without scars.

Sometimes, You’ll Need Alone Time

For now, while she’s little, your sister will share a bedroom with Daddy and me. But eventually, you may have to share a bedroom for a while until we can move to a bigger house. I know this invades your privacy and makes you feel understandably resentful.

I promise to honor your need to be alone sometimes. When your sister starts to drive you crazy, you have full permission to walk away. Feelings take time to process, so whether you need to take a walk around the block or hide out in my bedroom to read quietly, I’ll respect that.

But You’ll Also Have a Permanent Friend And Ally

Friends come and go, but family is forever. Your sister will stand by you through thick and thin. When you feel all alone in the world, she’ll give you a hug and listen like a best friend.

Even if life leads you far apart in the distance when you grow up, you and your sister will always remain close in each others’ hearts. Think of me and Aunt Tia. Even though she lives two states away, we still talk every single week and get together whenever we can.

Having a baby sister means having someone who’s always got your back. Knowing that makes whatever hard times you may encounter in the future much easier to bear.

Most Importantly, I’ll Still Love You the Same

When your sister first arrives, it may seem like she gets all the attention. Babies do need a lot more help than big girls like you, and it may appear like I’m always focusing on your sister and ignoring you. Feeling a bit jealous is normal. But I promise to do my best to spend as much time with you as possible, even though sometimes it may be hard to give as much as you deserve.

You might no longer be the baby of the family, but no matter what, you’ll always be my first, my number one baby. No one else can ever fill your special place in my heart.

I Pray Your Sister Is Even Half as Wonderful as You

I’ll never stop loving you, nor will I ever stop rooting for you in everything you do. I don’t tell you often enough how proud I am of you, and how honored I am to have such a smart, strong, sassy and caring daughter. I can tell you this, though — if your new little sister turns out anything like you, I’ll be the lucky mom of the two most perfect girls in the world.


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Jennifer Landis
Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, writer, and blogger. She enjoys yoga, tacos, and drinking all of the tea she can find. Follow her on Twitter @JenniferELandis and check out her blog, Mindfulness Mama, where she shares her expertise in parenting, healthy living, and food!