I remember having a math teacher once who seemed to think all of math was easy. Which was great for him, but it did not change the fact that it was NOT easy for me. Ever. I fought for every good math grade I got. It never got easy, but I was able to learn the principals well enough to get through it and avoid it for the rest of my adult life. I’m kidding…partly.
The same strategy applied to my scared swimmer. Telling her swimming is fun and not scary would not be helpful, but teaching her how we handle fear, how we fight lies that can eat away at our hearts, is quite useful. Have your kids recite scripture, write the Word, and pray about it together. Childhood fears can be exhausting and frustrating as a parent, but these are the moments when the Word of God can become living and active for our children, when they get to learn how to apply it to their everyday lives. What an awesome opportunity we have!
Just yesterday that scared swimmer (who is now loving swimming again) was working through her new Faith Journal and came to show me what she listed as the number one thing she loves about God. In her 8 year old handwriting she carefully wrote “He makes me brave.” Lesson learned. And you can bet this mama got a little teary.
3. Talk Truth
While we try to re-shape hearts and complaining attitudes around here we don’t shy away from calling things hard. Learning to swim is hard. Pulling weeds is hard. Keeping a tidy home is hard. Sure it is, but that doesn’t mean we don’t do it. As my kids get older we talk more and more about the hard things of life, because they don’t ever magically go away.
We talk about their dad’s job and the hard things he does there. We talk about paying bills and taxes, we talk about being treated unfairly or unkindly. Opportunities abound – that grumpy grocery store clerk who seems to be having a hard day, discuss it with your kids. That construction worker who is sweating up a storm in his hard hat, talk about it with your kids. Talking truth with your children, rather than sugar-coating life lessons, conditions them to understanding that hard work is a part of life and not something we shy away from.
4. Start Training Them
Have you ever considered intentionally training your children to do hard things, to push past their will and what they see right in front of them in order to learn the value of perseverance? You can be intentional about helping your children develop faithfulness and tenacity.
Try taking on a big challenge as a family. Help your kids engage in conversations outside of their comfort zone or offer an apology even when it feels awkward. Show them how to serve others or what it might look like to give sacrificially. These things don’t come naturally for most children, or adults for that matter. Walk them through it intentionally and give them opportunities and new environments in which to practice it. Make sure they see you doing the same.
You can practice hard things at home as well. If your home is like ours there are plenty of jobs and chores my husband and I do out of habit or because it’s quicker and cleaner if we do them ourselves, but allowing our children to do the work grows and shapes them. Let them fold their clothes, let them weed the flower beds, teach them to clean up the kitchen, to sweep the steps and wash the windows. The tasks will grow with age, of course, and you can even make some of the bigger and more challenging chores paid jobs, but only pay for a job well done. It all takes effort and oversight on your part, but slowly they will begin to learn the value of hard work and doing hard things. And, hopefully, your house well be getting cleaner in the process!
5. Follow Through
Similar to discipline, follow through is key and is often the hardest part as a parent. Recently, my husband was working on training my son in the area of responsibility and before leaving for work one morning he said to me, “We had a talk last night about responsibility and I told Tyler that I expect his chores to be completed by the time I get home from work. Please don’t give him any reminders today.” No reminders. Can I tell you how that about killed me as mama?
9:00: Chores weren’t done. 11:00: Chores weren’t done. And I may have developed a nervous tick trying to keep my mouth shut. Thankfully, by the time my husband got home the chores were finally done and I can honestly say I did not give any reminders. But it doesn’t always work out that way.
This parenting gig, this training kids thing, is hard. It’s work. You love those kids like crazy and if you’re anything like me, you tend to let them off the hook too easy at times. But that is not parenting brave. Parenting brave requires the very same thing of us that we are trying to train in our kids, making decisions not based solely on what is right in front of us, but with the end result in mind. In this case that would be responsible and capable adults.
And one last tip: PRAY. Without ceasing, pray for your children and for your role in raising them. (Want to join the I Choose Brave community as we Pray for our People? Find out more over here!) Pray that you will seize the opportunities, big and small, to teach them well, to let them know who they are- their true identity, and to help them see Truth. Pray that you can serve as a worthy example and that if (when?) you mess it all up they will understand the grace and forgiveness of Christ that makes all of the difference in parenting, in childhood, in life.
Keep parenting brave, friends. There is no better way to do it.
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