What to Do When Friendships Fail

If you want to step into confrontation but are not sure if you’re ready, here are a few Dos & Don’ts that have prevented me from speaking out of anger.

3. Adjust expectations

Here’s the harsh truth – no one on this earth will ever fully meet our expectations.  We might bear with one another, speak the truth in love and still feel like we’re the one who invests more in the relationship or places a higher value on friendship. (Honestly, this has been the outcome in much of my experience.)  So what then?  Do we give up?  Do we move on?

I wish I had all the answers – struggling with the loss of friendships feels like the thorn in my side.  But what I do know is, there comes a point where we have to adjust our expectations enough to recognize that the Lord is the ONLY one who will love us perfectly.  Psalm 62:1-2 says, “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”  The Lord is 100% dependable.  He knows every longing in our heart because He knit us together in our mother’s womb.  He understands when we’re hurting before we do.  He is fully invested in who we are.  Our heavenly Father is the perfect example of 1 Peter 4:8 – His love covers all of our sins.

Adjusting our expectations, to understand that the Lord is the only one who can love us perfectly, helps us find satisfaction in Him. No matter what happens in our relationships, our longings will never go unmet.

Step one – Bear with one another in love.
Step two – Speak the truth (if and only if, it’s) IN LOVE.
Step three – Adjust expectations

Friends, please know that I am not claiming to be a pro at this.  I wish I could say that every time I walk through these 3 steps the outcome is a mended relationship; unfortunately, I cannot claim that to be true.  I am still working through situations with lost friendships, learning to understand that sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with me, and recognizing the truth that not all friendships are meant to be “lifers.”

I realize that these steps don’t work in every scenario, that sometimes life changes and friendships simply transition with space or time.  But, in the situations where something needs to be said, I truly believe that these steps are worth it – and here’s why… Even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for, with the completion of these steps comes the affirmation and confidence that you made every effort to keep the unity, and you can lean into the Lord and let go with peace.

My hope is that by following these 3 steps to take when friendships fail you will walk away feeling affirmed that you have done everything you possibly can to restore the friendship and that you’d be 100% confident in this:

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are not too much.
You are not too little.
You do not deserve to be neglected.
You deserve to be loved in the most perfect, beautiful way – AND YOU ARE.
You are wholly and perfectly loved by the God who created you.
You are known.
You are enough.


This article originally appeared at LoveMinBlog.com, published with permission.

Mindy Larsen
Mindy Larsen
Mindy Larsen is a writer who writes to encourage others with words that point towards Jesus. She loves donuts, the power of Scripture to combat anxiety, and cuddling on the couch with her husband, Chris, and their cat, Finn. Connect with Mindy over on her blog www.loveminblog.com or Instagram www.instagram.com/mindykaysl

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