I was majorly stressing, and I suppose if I would have taken the time to be honest with myself I would see that I had been stressing for some time. It wasn’t just the immediate responsibilities of raising and nurturing four daughters, although that was a mighty task in itself. It wasn’t even the fact that I educated three of them from home, and that on the occasional tough day I wondered how awful I must be doing at that. No, it was everything. It was all the extra stuff, all the additional things I took on, and how I felt that I must have stellar performance in all the things. My plate was full, for sure, and it had started to pour out into the floor, puddling around my feet.
Enough was enough, and God had opened my eyes to it. He had shown me that my focus was often misplaced, easily distracted by the enemy, and that I tried to have my hand in too much at once. I needed to refocus on what really mattered in life, but as with anytime you decide to make a change, there’s growing pains. There’s growing pains and there’s torrential rains, and who likes any of that?
So there I was in my minivan, carting my children across town for something I didn’t even really want to do. I had felt the challenge all day of the things on my plate. New things being put there to help remove all the other things! I mentioned change was a painful process, right?
But back to the minivan… it smelled like dog poop, and the nauseating odor was about to drive me off the edge. I texted my husband in the carport before pulling away, because he was my sounding board when I felt this way. And other than praying, he was the one I reached out to when I needed to calm the storm. He was my partner in all of it. So why should I be surprised when he texted right back? It wasn’t his speedy response that leveled me. It wasn’t even the compassion and caring that oozed from his words. It wasn’t even his fantabulous offer to take the kids to a birthday party the following day so I could have some alone time! It was actually just four words. Four words all in CAPS.
DO YOU TRUST GOD?
The tears, y’all! The tears fell sitting in my driveway. And they didn’t fall because of my volatile stress level. They fell because I did. I did trust God. More than anything.
I know you’ve heard that old adage, if God brings you to it He’ll bring you through it. Well, I gotta say I don’t agree. He doesn’t bring you through it; He actually carries you through it. So when you’re faced with the challenges that come when God is leading you in a new direction, He will supply all the strength required. As He leads you to a new path He already has the story written. It’s not just up to me. It’s up to me to follow His leading and step out in faith, but He carries the weight. He carries me. I trust that.
At the beginning of the year the Lord gave me a verse for our family for 2017.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
I wasn’t sure what He had in store, and now that I do I’m joyful. I’m joyful, but also nervous. Change is hard. This morning as I worshipped the Lord in song I closed my eyes, and in that moment I saw myself standing in the rain. It was pouring down on me, but interestingly enough the light that shone on the drops revealed them to be the color of gold. Then I felt the Lord impress this upon my heart, and maybe it will speak to you also.
I know you don’t like the rain, but keep in mind that it’s from me. Storms aren’t easy, but they bring with them new life.
I guess you could say I’m learning anew how to dance in the rain. Do I trust God?
Yes. That’s the only way some things are possible.