There’s nothing worse than peace and quiet on a summer afternoon so for the love of all that’s holy, PLEASE BICKER ON A REGULAR BASIS. If you need tips on how to get a row started, let me know. If you don’t give me a fight to break up I’m going to a) get super bored and b) have really low blood pressure and c) be extra-productive at work and possibly break the internet so — start being jerks to each other, STAT! Now you older two, I want you to set a good example for your younger brother. Because of his speech-language and social delays, he’s a little behind on what it takes to push another person’s buttons until [they] explode in rage, and we’ve got to get him up to snuff on that so he can properly function in society. So make sure to torture each other endlessly so that your little brother can learn by example. I know you won’t let me down!
5) Say you’re bored
This just in: I LIVE TO ENTERTAIN. And since we’ve already established that I have nothing better to do, y’all need to keep me hopping by claiming boredom so I can come up with a huge list of activities to combat that. BONUS POINTS if you reject ALL my ideas and go back to doing what you were doing before you claimed boredom. Double bonus points if you three team up to come up with a huge summer bucket list (aka “to do list for Mom”) that has at least 50 things on it! As I mentioned previously, we’ve only got 40 days left to make all this happen so please, please make special notes on the list of activities that can be done on the same day or at the same time. No bucket list item left behind!
Honestly kiddos, I could go on and on, but since clearly you guys have a lot to do, I’ll stop there. But first let me say this: I believe in you! I know you can take these five things and rock them like a bunch of underage BOSSES, so get cracking! I’m literally on the edge of my seat waiting to be interrupted.
Go get ’em!
P.S. Just kidding. This was actually just a really long, drawn-out lesson on how to properly use sarcasm, which, as a responsible parent, I am duty-bound to give. Love you, and all the time we get to spend together. (That last line was not sarcasm, I promise!)