“[I want] better education regarding sex for both boys and girls [and] information about pornography, and the way it influences harmful sexual practices.”
These are the words of a 15-year-old Australian girl in 2016. She was one of 600 young Australian women and girls aged 15-19 who participated in the survey about the sexual culture that teens face today. The survey results are staggering; Girls report that online sexual bullying is rampant, that requests of nude photos from boyfriends is the norm, and that they are obliged to get sex acts “out of the way” first before boyfriends will do normal date activities with them like watching a movie.
The problem, of course, is the readily available and very free Internet pornography that all of our teenage boys now have at their fingertips. Fight the New Drug says it well: “Pornography is molding and conditioning the sexual behaviors and attitudes of boys, and girls are being left without the resources to deal with these porn-saturated boys.”
It is true that we do have to provide our daughters with resources and what to say to these boys who expect them to do and enjoy things that they’ve seen an Internet porn. But while we do that, we should also do everything we can to keep our sons from seeing, pursuing, and indulging in it.
Keisha Howard, life coach and former middle school guidance counselor describes more of what young American girls are dealing with today. “I can recall a time when a young 13-year-old girl asked me ‘Is sex really like what it looks like in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie?’ Yes, that happened. This young lady received a few video clips from the movie via text messages that had been circulating around her school. She asked me this question because she was considering losing her virginity, and she wanted to know if she should expect to be whipped and tied up when she has sex for the first time.”
Parents: it is up to us to TELL our daughters and SHOW them (in a PG way, ha ha) what healthy sexual relationships look like. I know that NO ONE wants to talk to their twelve-year-old daughters. Howard is graciously providing parents with five key points to use when you talk to your teens about sex.
1. Have short talks, not marathons:
Most teens are really nervous when it comes to talking about sex with their parents. Weren’t you? Teens typically want to avoid this conversation at all cost. So, since it’s already an uncomfortable topic, don’t make it worse by belaboring the talk and making it last longer than it should. Try inserting short talks, with teachable moments, here and there. This will lessen the “sex talk” blow, and it could possibly prevent your teen from rolling their eyes during the talk.
2. Role play pressure situations:
Myth: My teen won’t be in a pressure situation regarding sex.
Fact: Your teen will likely be pressured to either have sex, watch sex on TV or online, or send/receive a sexual message, and if it doesn’t happen to your teen, it’s going to happen to their friends, who will talk to your teen about it; so it’s best to make sure that your teen is prepared when those pressure situations arise. Role play with your son or daughter. Act out different situations and give your teen suggestions and strategies on how to react to that situation. Try role playing the following:
- What do you do when someone asks you to send them a sext?
- What do you do when you receive a sext?
- What do you do when you arrive at a party and the parents are not at home?
3. Talk about consequences:
