Kyle and I have only been married a year, and have already been flooded with questions about when we’ll have kids. No babies yet? Are you pregnant yet? Why are you waiting? The first few times, it’s cute, but it quickly gets old. I see these questions get asked of other couples quite frequently, and the only results are awkward conversations and annoyed glances.
If you find yourself asking couples these questions, here are three reasons you should stop:
1. For some, it’s painful to answer
People don’t just simply “forget” to have kids. Us kid-less couples have reasons why we don’t have kids yet. For some of us, we just aren’t ready yet. But, sadly, for a lot of couples, there’s more to it than that. Health struggles. Issues to work through. One spouse who’s ready and one who isn’t. A couple that can’t afford healthcare. A couple that has tried everything and had no luck. A mom and dad that have loved and lost and no one knows it. And little do you know that every time you ask, it’s like salt in their already excruciatingly painful wounds.
You don’t know the story behind the “why.” Pressuring doesn’t help. You’d best keep your curiosity to yourself.
2. It’s extremely personal — and kind of inappropriate
You’re basically asking a couple (who you might barely know) when they’re going to stop using birth control. And I don’t know about you, but that’s a subject I feel uncomfortable talking with my doctor about. You wouldn’t ask someone you barely know, “So, are you using birth control? If so, what kind? And when do you plan to stop?”
There’s really no benefit to asking, and it just makes for awkwardness. You’re not doing any favors here.
3. There’s nothing wrong with waiting
There’s nothing wrong with having kids right away, and there’s nothing wrong with waiting. Every couple is in a different situation — job-wise, finance-wise, health-wise, and the list goes on. My husband and I have been prayerful in our decision to wait a little while. And when it’s God’s timing, it’s God’s timing. For some, that’s sooner than others. Some have gone as far as to call us selfish for waiting a whopping two or three years to have kids. That’s craziness, people.
Respect other couples’ choices to wait if it’s what’s best for them. Parenthood is a wonderful gift, and I can’t wait to experience it. But condescending remarks about how we’re wrong for waiting just aren’t going to help anything.
This piece originally appeared at nittygrittylove.com, published with permission.