Plenty of moms need time to adjust to their new (huge) role, and don’t feel overwhelmed with a sense of love like everyone tells us we should–and must–feel right away. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re not enveloped in the snuggly feeling right away. Chances are, it will come. And if it doesn’t, and you feel a little bit off? Call your doctor right away and just talk. You are not alone.
6. Find Your Tribe, or Maybe Just Your Person
Some depictions of motherhood would have us believe we have kids and automatically have a brand new batch of mom friends to go with it. That’s not necessarily the truth. It took me years to find my mom tribe–not months.
If you’re lucky enough to have gone through your pregnancy or adoption process at the same time as a dear friend and experience it all together, consider yourself lucky. Many women find that it takes time to meet a group of new mom friends that they truly connect with.
Here’s my best advice: Put yourself out there! I’ve even gotten moms’ phone numbers at coffee shops and grocery stores after connecting over a quick conversation. You can’t be scared to put yourself out there, because chances are, that other mom is just as in need of adult conversation and connection as you are.
And schedule play dates, even with people you don’t feel like you immediately hit it off with. Who knows what could happen. No one is asking you to move in with this person, just to hang out at the playground for a bit. So take the chance! Introduce yourself and get out there! And I promise, if you don’t find that special mom friend (or group of them) right away, you will at some point. And like any good relationship, it will have been worth the wait.
7. You’ve Gotta Find a New Way to Get “Me Time”
When you have a baby, you automatically end up putting yourself at the end of your own list of priorities. It’s going to feel strange, and maybe a little difficult even, but try to carve out some time for yourself. It’s essential to find “pockets of peace,” as I like to call them, to maintain your mental health, and work toward building back up your physical strength, too.
This can take the form of a short walk around the block while someone you trust watches the baby; take a stroll with baby in the neighborhood to catch some fresh air, or maybe dedicate a half-hour after you put baby down to take a nice hot bath with Epsom salts. My “Me Time” after having Sammy was our daily walk around the nearby lake. I timed out our walk so that he fell asleep during the walk, and I used that time to call friends and listen to music.
The main thing is to find a moment to unplug and forget about all your responsibilities for just a short amount of time. You won’t regret it.
8. 9 Months Out… 12 Months Back (At Least)
This is my personal motto for my body–specifically, my belly–in relation to “bouncing back” after baby. Candidly, I hate even using the term “bouncing back” because there is nothing bouncy in your step and most especially in your skin after birthing children (byeeeeee, collagen stores), but let’s use it for lack of a better term.
That body whose former purpose was to get you from point A to point B, looking as good or not-good as you wanted it to? It’s now dedicated to the very existence of another human being. So be good to it, and be patient. You’ll get her back, just not right away.
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A version of this piece originally appeared on sonniabatta.com, published with permission.
